Thursday, August 27, 2015

property damage

you mining for trash, carry on
with a borrowed starbux reusable styro
style mug from the lab, contraband
in many ways. lift the stray syllabus
for clues on the way in.

never mind the octopus legs
wrapped around the pylons beneath you
or the lake's red surface waiting
for treatment, denied. the patient metastizes
because that's how clouds roll.
it's a good research opportunity.
smile for the bowties. could you use
a little hot tub therapy? merlot?make
yourself comfy, sir.

all in itlaics. oh i could go for that
rides on the rising seas, underground
bunker mini vacays. you know i was ready
for aruba when we swam in the  milky way s
dolphins were the icing. let's blow this
town with someone else's trust fund
cuz that's how clouds roll.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

blood moon revival in hyman pennsylvania

at the end of summer she tends
to get heated up by end time tales
the next armeggedon barrelling
out of pastor paul's mouth at ibiru
 speed. she's
 fascinated with a dark
twin hidden by the sun..orbiting
through its wake, -have you seen?- our lakes
 turn red. and  planet x gonna turn the tides
on our heads, can't you feel it?
pastor says september 23 
is the confluence date. 
madonna and the pope will both be in DC..
 hey i interrupt let me get a pad 
to write this down. did you say 23 things? 
yes madonna in her soil the bride   tour
and CERN opening a hole to let in a beast
i tell you there are no coincidences, just listen
to pastor paul. and she breaks him 
out on her i phone he's all slick
hair/ voice
 rises and falls like back
when i was kid
 in nana's methodist church
 before  they put in  ac  on sunday
morning and only sleep wasJUST
 LISTEN she projects  above
the phone's  mosquito buzz she says
1)planet x will cross earth's
 eliptical plane on sept 23 

2)did you see google removed 
their patch on that part of the sky 
you remember when i told you how you can see
the whoooooole universe except this one part
where nibiru can be seen coming at us well
they took it off guess what's there

3)the elite have gone underground.
3a )then who are those people 
on the front page?

4) i told you about the finance collapse
in the prophet circles we call em sztvitas
(she echos pastor paul who is listing
the events that will happen
to be remembered 911 style
 but the worst
is yet to come! he shouts) she nods
 you can get your money now
or bottles of water and cans for st0rms
guns for the fun gonna come

4a- i think i just want to go under,
you know? be that movie extra
no one remembers in the next life

she pauses pastor and says listen
all this shit means is that we're about 
to pass into a better life. 
there are two kinds of people
the selfish and
the unselfish and there is a special
reward for each. one is filled with pain
which is where my ex family shall rot
and one is paradise, where the unselfish go

but but but. i selfish. ..sometimes.

no! no! you're not, you share, you give, you care.
these people do none of that. ever. 

so if you have even one shred of unselfishness, 
you can go to paradise?

 yes! she proclaims, god's witness
though i don't know how she got the creds. 

we continue, but only because 23.

11)9 11 2001 to 9 23 2015 = 5126 
days. the mayan long calendar (which so accurately 
predicted a global awakening, seen
in the current drive to mass extinction by marine mammals)
has a 5126 year cycle from inward to outward circle 
where they said let's call it a day. or maybe god said that
but not pastor paul.
shhh she says. we have missed
 two of pastor paul's points

14)rosh hoshshana in the jewish year of 5776 
year of the light. illuminati. 
15) the vote for ratification of a palestinian state will come up
before the united nations
16) there is a sixteen. 
17)international day of peace and pastor paul
says the pope will be there to christen a new age
with new rules for peace and social justice a
new world order.
20) jade helm ends
21) a bible quote about how after peace and safety
comes  sudden destruction 
22)yom kippur. day of atonement.\
 is this a willingness
of disbelief?
it's the 70th jubilee
 the 70th UN anniversary.
  lit by the mason's year of the light torch
moving from yom kippur dinner into the 23)rd
  a yummy sliver of the day for is the
day of the haj.the muhadih cometh
 the maud'dib  returneth 
 the messiah's due back any minute 
for a well promoted deathmatch 
so pay per view millennials, here's a timeline
you can get behind .why not call molly
and make a trip to DC  to attend
 24th) madonna'z desecration
 of the church/return of  the fallen
 angels tour, maybe take in a 
pope- talks- to -congress
or  pope - meets -with-  president
 for a starter. then off
on a whirlwind tour 
25)pope talks toUN
26)pope visits the church of philly
26a) the one true church
26c) pope runs out of time to talk to god 
27 )feast of the taberancle
28) fourth and final blood moon
when i will hold my revival
at the corner of free will boulevard 
and determinism hiway
ya'll come on down.  a sept to remember
she turns off the phone, hates on
 the catholics for a minute \
cuz her mom was excommunicated in 1968
for getting divorced /. i don't have
the courage to point out the irony of her
pastor's first name, her eyes border feral
  though the moon's only
 in second quarter.
maybe it's the heat.
 i wonder if her ragtop's down.
she says surely as christian  you have to agree
i'm not a christian
surely you have to agree, she says, 
that love IS the only answer. god is love.
god's everything, i remind her. hate as well. 
it's the only way she says again. i drop it.
it's just not worth a kalpa kollapse. omg
that's so kardashian. omg they got in my poem
again. it IS the end times.

 and i know what cern's
gonna let out of the bottle. 
all our past lives, collapsed into a single point.

yes , yes she says
i'm sure we've met before 
in past lives she says.

of course. of course we did. 
 do you remember when you 
found those mushrooms and we put them 
in the sauce. did you know what they were?

had no idea. 

well, damn.that was serendipitous.good stew though.
you told me if couldn't fell a deer, a muskrat would do.
our first was on the way. i catered to you. 
no badger! was the prime directive. the stew
was . bitter and rich that night. it might have
been rabbit. i didn't get a deer
 or a muskrat. it might have been
a badger, even. there was one
 i set a trap for.
our little girl an inquisitive thing. after all. 


 past life regression is easy when you know
you've been them all from mother t to the badass h.
just hone in on lens and watch. taste. smell. 
one in particular may catch you up and take you
to the now you thought you had forgotten.

Sunday, August 23, 2015


i was gonna send it to your email but i
don't even know which one to use
that's how fucked up my head is

i waited a day to say anything about
the bikes because the beach is about fun
so we enjoyed ourselves but look
at how i knew
what this would turn into and no
i don't think about self
fulfilling prophecies they just seem
to come in clutches. so was it the
approach or the time of day or
some other proper thing i should
 have donesaidbeen for us to be able
to discuss just when the damn things
will cease to be a poster child
for abandoned farms because i can't see
the park letting us get away with
them for too much longer the weedelia
make it obvious they're not repurposed
landscapers though maybe if we
dug them into the ground over by the patio
and made a semi-boundary we could
point down the street to the collection of
yardtrash posing as decor
for example but the point is
the point my dear my love my honey do
is that i should be able to mention them
without a full blown war erutping
like boilsacs on my skin.
by all accounts we're three years in.
a more enlightened response
like oh honey i didn't know they bothered
you so much give me x days to get rid
of them, ok?
would not have had me raging
nor you in my face but i   at least
they were right, you're a crazy bitch
which i must admit i
was at the moment
no more than you
is the worst you said.
it fills my head, the scenes with him
become these scenes with you
and i guess it's just a thing i do like firing
a gun at the man who threatened
me in my own house so i get twenty five years
for not running in a stand your ground state for
not killing the sonofabitch when i
had the chance like i did
with that motherfucker i married
who beat me in front of my kids
for the last time right before
his brakes went out on the bridge
i hope hell was his last sight
all that water just below him as flames
rushed to his crushed arms i don't
want you to think i would
do that to you because we
stick with verbal stones no i can
  push the button words
from my mouth wouldn't need to aim
at such a big target
red raw from self destruction, sabotage
i know this arachnid and its laws
and though i must confess, above
i wore another's dress, it's a question
of intensity, the ways and means of dignity
how we scrape to wear that shield
how pride falsely refused to yield
to common sense, the art of deal
with it. the time has come
to rise above our crazy.
let's respond in kind, ok?
and if i come across that way
then maybe you should go
i don't feel like i'm a complaining bitch
but how am i to know?

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

about to post this on abortion changes you dot com

it seemed like i could get pregnant at the drop of a ...let's say hat. the first time i was 17, a one night stand with a boy who already had a kid and one on the way. i was a freshman in college and used all my savings and18th birthday money for the abortion-welcome to adulthood.  the only loss i felt that time was fear. the second time i got pregnant was by a guy i dated for only three months. he stopped seeing me the night i told him. i felt the loss of money that time, a bit of self esteem because of his cold hearted denial -"it could have been anyone", he said to me. nice guy. why would i want to carry his seed? 

i was raised in an era of illegal abortion. two of my relatives had teen pregnancies that went to term. one gave hers up for adoption; the other younger one backed out of adoption at the last minute to live with the father of her child. she was fifteen. both of the girls lived with my family while they were pregnant. it was considered shameful for them to be pregnant. it was the same kind of societal shame i see being foisted on women today who decide to terminate unwanted pregnancies. just like my relatives were, they are called names and made  to feel guilt due to someone's moral judgement. i think god uderstands that sometimes the life would be better unlived, and places no guilt on the results of bad timing. in the case of my relatives, neither of them wanted to be pregnant, but they had no choice after the fact. when i compare my loses to theirs...well, i had none
the one who gave hers up was victim of date rape. the other one gave up autonomy when she was yet a child. she married the father, they had more children. not such a loss after all, i suppose. my own father wonders why women bother to get college degrees if all they're going to do is have kids. 
 my third pregnancy was terminated at tweny five weeks. because i was a drug addict. i denied i was pregnant but when it finally became apparent even to my drug addled brain, i chose to not bring a drug harmed child into the world.  the father of this one was my long term partner, also a pill head. luckily , our sources dried up around the same time as i had the abortion. i think i was  finally being clear headed enough to make the right decision for me and any future  child. so we stayed together, he and i. 
got our shit together,  finished school, got a good job with nice benefits and no overtime.  i was there three months and discovered i was pregnant. i was almost thirty, been with this man for seven years. we got married and had a wonderful baby girl. i couldn't have been happier, despite his out of nowhere claim, shortly before she was born, that i "trapped" him. but about those abortions- i had no thoughts  in any negative manner. couldn't comprehend why i should. i would raise my child with two parents, the time for me and children was right and both our lives would be better for it. 

then when my daughter was two, i got pregnant again. he didn't want thebaby and i was overwhelmed with a full time job, dealing with day care and all the household duties and a giving my toddler the working mother's quality time. my husband was not exactly helpful with much of this, although he would laughingly point out that i'd missed a spot as i cleaned my morning nausea from the bathroom floor. having an abortion this time literally saved my life. i think i would have killed myself from post partum depression had i gone full term. we had no family to support us, and he was becoming increasingly hostile and emotionally abusive. i savored the times he went fishing or really anywhere away from me with his buddies. but he was so good to our daughter, once she could talk and run and laugh and fish with him. she was his little princess. i loved that about him so i stayed, despite the jekyl hyde he was with me.  i cried at the clinic this time. i did so want my daughter to have a sibling. and the times had changed, there were real protesters out there, with signs i refused to read. i knew all about both sides of this coin. but i cried in the office and they asked me are you sure and i said yes. this is for the best. i think there was some relief in the crying as well. 

i had been on the pill for years and i smoke. it gave me migraines but i went back on it for a couple of years more. then we tried condoms and i watched my cycle. i remember the night our son was concieved. i clearly told him this was not a good time. i said if get pregnant, this time i'm keeping it. i kept my word. then i had my tubes tied. a few years later the emotional abuse got too bad and i left him.  i love my son and daughter with all my being. i wanted both of them and though i've made mistakes with them, i never regret waiting until the time felt RIGHT to have them, when i was mature enough to be a parent and provider for them. 
if we focus on our losses, we can never really live life as it occurs. that's not what god wants us to do. i realise that i need no forgiveness, for potential is not the same as what is realised when you decide to bring a life into this world. god wants us to be ready to be parents. i fully believe this. this is why we have knowledge to help us delay that choice until it's time. 

Monday, August 17, 2015

fanatical allegory- 2 broken sonnets

dunno why fanatical-could come
from living with depression: in crude form
or  reverbed  from proximity, some
daily blank drudgery,  repeating worn

praises to deep sadness. you know that song-
popular for its bluesness, wailing winds
in lyric's interims,we sing along
raise our glasses and  voices then sail again

helter skelter before them, sunfish
on a stormy bay, drowned in a wish.


a sonnet a day helps keep sexton alive.
i mean if i could write them like she did
i'd do it. i say this often. i practice lines
counting to ten, only more hedonic

with my heartbeats. the troches, the iambs
come in fits and starts, like how i drum when
in circle: unsteady, accents enjambed
at odd beats. avoid expected crumbs, thin

articles, quotidian cliques, in short
easy rhymes are three missed cycles- abort!


Thursday, August 13, 2015

first persieds

i'm such a lunk she cried
after spending all evening looking at reddit
and salon. you're not  a lunk he protested
you is sexy and the hardest working woman
i know. she said
i'm a lunk. i get home from work and do NOThing
i might as well watch tv. hey, when are those
meteors coming? isn't that tonight?
yes, they are
what time
all night
but when's the best
they peak at two. coming from the northeast according
to the internet.
let's go.
will you drive, bitte?


there are clouds all around
  a clear space over their heads.
they spread the blanket and lay down.
five minutes or maybe fifteen he says
i can't believe we aren't seeing anything
woah! did you see that?
just above the treeline, do you think the trees
are blocking our view? i'm
 sorry you didn't woah!
 they both shout as a sparkler dashes
itself iacross the sky above.

they hi five and hug.
that was the biggest i've ever seen!
me too god i'm so glad we came.

they lie back and wait.
she shifts, ignores the sciatic
he lights a cigarette. clouds creep
from the west,  wispy icefloes
on the night's sea, stars bleed through.

it's been five or fifteen minutes with no sign.
maybe if we look at one spot he says.
no, i flick my eyes over everything.


every time she begins to go
another pair flashes. he sees it or she sees it
or they both do. this could go on all night.

thicker puffs of cloud move in, with huge
cracks, like summer in the north pole. she
imagines herself in an ice boat at night
with auroras all around. he says you know

i love you so much. and she does, she knows
it and says i love you too and wonders
how long they will be able to share this
memory of her first time. she thinks

and it will all  fall apart. he says, look you can
see the ocean in the clouds and that one over there
looks like a giant head of brocolli
she looks p at the clouds rollin over her
imagines what it would be like
if they just lay down together
when the future storms come
and let the water pour over them imagines
them here like these clouds tonight
she's ready to gpanyway, the peak is over
he says it's all down hill from here,
and one throws itself at them
from the northeast,digs   a channel
in the atmosphere =rains beauteous sparks
from the ashes of an explosion
into their photon detectors.
so this was really the first
 time you saw them he asks.
yep. first time

lol, i feel like a gamma ray detector
he gets it. that's what's so cool.
she says it
that's the best cool.
his grin lights the night.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

sideshow footnotes

reddit is like bringing the world
into your head. so yeah young ikea funished man
i can make your room more comfy,

1-move the bed to the window by the door i know
it seems less private but no, when the door is opened
that corner your bed's in now is the first thing we see so
move it . it blocks that awesome attic garden window
which is where you need to place, at an angle, a small
desk and chair . then leave the window open. put your laptop
on this desk, look over the tile roofs and imagine desert dunes
and black starlit skies . you can put a modest shelf to help
hold your medications and other sundries. under the window
is where you move that big black chair or get
a couple of smaller chairs, say a bistro set
which can be comfy if chosen correctly, but even if not
you can have seating for two which is always more cozy
than alone. another thought is get a slightly bigger
chair, in a different color, deep purple or blue
and place it under that magnificent window
where the woodlands glow and you can watch
snow softly cover you in white when winter comes.
curled up, reading a book. a lamp always makes
a room cozier so find one you can adjust
so the light falls from above your shoulder
onto the pages. you may be able to use the chests
you already have as places for these lamps.
you will need to have one beside your bed as well.
the bed goes under the window where you have
trash can and vacuum. get rid of the latter
or store it with the can under the stove.
buy a japanese rice paper screen and place
it to the right of the entry way for bedroom
privacy. get a small modular holder and place
it at the beams to give separation from the kitchen.
and a small bookcase can go there too. now you
have a place to lay your head where the sun can
hit you in the morning or you can talk to the moon
about the love you want to meet. come to think of it
get an expandable day bed, not a futon those things
are so uncomfortable, but maybe one of those plush foam
ones that can convert to queen size i've seen them at cb2.
and have a small coffee table/nightstand for your laptop.

the large desk/workspace needs to go
 . let the chests be your dividers,
 . get rid of the black bookcase. instead
get a lower  longish modular holder  with twill
baskets and to store your shoes and such.

maybe there is even some way to fit a bistro set
into the left over space, if you leave it free floating
sort of offside of the frig. a bistro set will allow
you to sit at a table and discuss politics over a cup
of coffee while you look out that awesome window.
bon chance mon frere. i won't join reddit
so maybe you'll find this here. just surfing the blogs
looking for a new sideshow.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

goodbye jon

so many people told you this
a few days ago but since i watch you
on the web you'll never really be gone
just increasingly irrelevant as the youtube ads
drop one by one
because no one tunes in to yesterday's news.

and i know you don't like poets
most of us don't like poets they whine
a lot, something you didn't do unless
it was for comedic effect but on your last show

you used the concept of metaphor so much
i'll be looking for an apology come someday
when you're wondering how it all went so
horribly wrong after you left the show

and america, who needed your guidance now
more than ever before so you take to the airwaves
again but it's filled with reality strip shows, gambling
and trump towers which  the concept of satire has been

imprisoned in since the first presidential election
 in this century without you. my son cut his teeth
on your wit, your skits was the best in the section
now he's got wilmore and colbert but no beef

to bite into at bedtimes. i think you were essential-
now darkness falls fast, like a pitch to the head
but the mets win at last. it must be a devil made deal
understood by the line going red.


ah i'm weary.
i'm feeling like every day
i gotta do this job, go in to read fake news
that anybody could see through, is our country
so bland and sheepled that they need me

anybody could do it. anybody. just not this body
anymre. i'm tired. i 'm leaving out the door.
just read the prompter and make a face.
seriously, it's that easy.


yeah jon. um no. personally i turned to you
to make sense of how my country is in the middle
of a metamorphosis . sometimes the only cure
when it hurts as much as the decade of war
corruption and greed did, is to laugh. so let's
laugh. come on. laugh.



has been  a long time coming.
going to be a long time gone.
you a tweener done well. older bro
didn't see you coming now dad's
polishing your picture frame and bro
well, just hangs h is head.


when i speak of you to her
she will wonder who i mean.
henny youngman is a decade away
from obscurity. if you're not in google
you don't exist. if you're not away
from the crowd, you can't hear  yourself.
if you hide you will be found. ask the mocking bird.
ask the unknown soldier, ask the bar tender
what he's doing with your socket and wrenches
track down his repairs, do them twice.
it's perfectly legal and you can exchange rights
for teh fortnight. comfortably in proffy's site.
kryptonite. why didn you kill yourslf like that
with no warning. how did the storyies i wated
to steal from you
make iit out the door before
i got a change tow write them down.
a koi pond on the top of a mountain.
the way dynamite scalps the dirt away
to get at all that sweet carbon buried
inside. pallative care is often the most unkind.
two shots of morphine in the behind. if you ever read this
don't hink a about dying. it's just
the conversation got a bit too fine.

goodbye jon. we love ya anyways.

Saturday, August 08, 2015


he said i'm sorry i hit you so hard  when i was playimg
with the drumstick tonite
i meant to hit you the first time like i hit you the second
and third times but i couldn't control it. sometimes i need
to hit it soft and sometimes i need to hit it hard. i feel that way
about your pussy, too.

Sunday, August 02, 2015


the glacier melt continues to flow over this state.
who would have thought we'd be the recipients
of ice and cloud, keeping cool in the subtropics
middle of july? it's not the heat but the humidity
that rules conversation now. 100 % for 40 days
despite the rainbows to the east at sunset.
rain in gaia's best weapon. we're like ants
building higher until the sea rolls in and wipes
us out. i tell my kids get ready to move.
don't buy here, don't stay in your birth city
or state. just leave before the mass exodus.

but here's what really sticks in my craw this week.
all over faceplace there are people, good people,
kind people, caring people who are outraged
that a dentist went to africa and shot a village's
pet lion with a bow and arrow. no matter
the thousands of PEOPLE we've let starve to death
on that continent, no matter the thousands
dying from a virus we should have vaccinned
against decades ago, no matter the bombs
dropped indiscriminantly over the many years
the usa has dominated the world, no matter.
it's a lion these good hearted people respond to.
christ on a cupcake. no, that would be ok.
we gotta take care of the animals. well,
humans are animals. no where is that more
evident than in places where exploited people
live in abject poverty, where the choices are
let my family starve, or be a hunt guide
to rich americans, a poacher for rich chinese,
a trophy finder for a trophy hunter.
the law of the jungle rules best in the city.


bleh what else.
the march against female reproductive rights
continues in the usa. my daughter calls me
a murderer. colleges drop insurance because
they don't approve of some approved methods
of birth control that loose women like me
want to use. they want to close planned
parenthood, they want to climb inside my womb
and kiss my unfertilised eggs but
my womb is gone and my eggs are rotten.
they're satisfied with taking my daughter's heart away.


my home life is mostly good.
my honey has mental issues
but when has he not?  on top of that
the gods the gods the gods. other
peoples gods. we smoke too much
and sleep not enough but mainly
i've been addicted, as is my wont.
how to write a poem about popping
rows of blocks into oblivion.
no, please. why would i want to ?
i wish the j would write .
i bet he's more weary than i.
i have not pinged in years, my spark
runneth low. giveth no. where is the surprise
you promised me, where are the grapes?

another broken sonnet

another blank day. there are polka dots
on a lampshade, chevrons on the bathpole.
should you or i chose it to be, blank spots
  change like serendipity, with green dough

risen in the east, we feast! 3 d prints
map the course, onward on our blinded horse.
purchasing,  mindless  with dollars and cents
on credit  with no recompense. remorse

is for losers, hippies and addicts. hot
babes run with us, who you got ?

oh yes, you aren't supposed to end with a couplet.


i might have known the outcome
had i not ignored the data 
walking in the door every morning 
the good ignored.

cradling fallen chick chances trying to nourish
an albatross with an eyedropper doesnt leave
much room for scientific proof. just feed,
pray for peace and thicker skin. flight is one
stretched wing from remembrance.

why are you studying sonnets. you should be studying ruth.


valent at sunset

the moon's so full you call
can you see it come up beyond
the trailers in the back? i'm just
around the corner, be home soon

once upon a time
we were blessed by hive
 hum , honey,the flower's
 negative charge.

  we forgot about fog and tsunami clouds
rolling over our  city scape under
 the moon's bright benediction

time rides the north wind, insectoid,
mitesque. makes me long to fly at nght
follow strange chemical markers
lose my way.

let's blame the cat for everything
new growth, the spinning world,
the tray, spilled upon the duvet.
she doesn't seem to mind and
it lets everyone else off the hook.

i hear netting and smoke is the best way
to calm bees down. you can raid the combs
right out of the boxes without attack.
 no cat needed, except for comic effect.

that's kind of a happily ever after
because bees can always make more.
if we want to.


cheating some. manuscript ideas. 
the rain comes again, whispers lightly
across the roof. 


flight is one stretched wing away

electric current leaders funnel
up and down , a hexagram of gnats.

why are you always calling me dear?
that's all you ever call me these days.

clouds roll over the land,charged
with moving water from overabundance to lack.

 whales confused by sonar. the paths
have gone awry,emerge from plastic soup.

when i say dear i don't mean it the way i hear it.
ptsd can be mild, a series of several weak heart attacks.

the ions strip away, holes appear. they need filling
earthy electrons stir , horny late night drunk.

 follow the tracers.a batted eyelash  ,a flash
dear god the way the air lights up with a bang