Monday, October 16, 2017

four steps back

you don't really understand
what you just did to me
i don't quite know how to say this
how to do this again.
get your way. your way.
i don't care if it's a dog or what
i ca'nt even. can't.
no i didn't want the dog either
but so what so what
i can deal for 6 months. or three.
whatever what ever.
i'm speechless. i;m over it.
i have a good convo and you fuck it
but it based on a lie. based on wishful thinking.
however, if the miracle occurs
no miracles occurs. no . none.
what the fuckin ever.
i . speechless. incohate.
it's about your wishes. cave. cave again.

Saturday, October 14, 2017


k so yeh, ya, changing the atmosphere
of what it means to be a man's world
the mighty fall one by one,  except
the one that needs to most. give it time sweetie
no one stays the same.

since hollywood began, probably all the way back
to the globe and before, a comfy couch in a private
room, and boys will be boys. k, well yeh.
it look like the girls don't wanna play no more.

what they're trying to say, these dinos, is that
they thought the sexual revolution meant
they could open the door because ladies
don't have to be ladies no more so what's a
li'l kiss, a li'l grope or some poke ity poke

they've said it. you heard it. they have permission.
when you're rich and famous they let you
do anything. when i was 12
i babysat for three kids  cleaned their damn
dishes from the night before so i could get
them lunch. my mom useta drive me
ten miles to their house in the morning
in the summer before they moved into
our neighborhood. one day the dad came
home early and asked me to stay while he
took a shower. then he sent his daughter
out to where i was waiting for the watergate
hearings to just be the fuck over so i can
watch gilligan's island reruns and said daddy
wants you to go to the bedroom so innocently
i go into the darkened master bedroom
thinking i should get paid today and he's laying
face down on the bed with a towel wrapped
around his hips and says hey will you grab that baby
lotion there and rub some on my legs he was
very specific it should be his legs,  opening them
between  his legs specifically, and i did it i rubbed
lotion between his legs and i remember seeing
the very edge of his balls exposed thinking  this
just doesn't seem right i don't know
what i said or how i left the house i kind of have
a fleeting image of a quick walk three blocks home
and telling mom i was not going to babysit for them
anymore and i don't think i said why and i can't
ask her, she's dead

Wednesday, October 11, 2017


i have a question for the lawmakers: What ARE your thoughts ? To what kind of god go your prayers?

earth's final season could air soon.
the button holder's profile fits 
wealthy man in his seventh decade
loves to gamble, no arrests, no mental issues
but takes a small cocktail of drugs daily.
the differences are glaring, vegas used
semi automatic conversions fired from
a high rise window. mr flippant has
bombers. mr calm before the storm
has access to nukes. what kills me most
is how smug and offhand he delivers threats.
what will kill most of us is when he delivers on them.

yes but I just saw a a squirrel skip across 3 lanes of traffic and survive

dear sister
there are times I think you're the one
that got out easy, dying like
you did there at 17.
in love with Neil Young
in love with the burn
hell yeah.o my.
today you would be one step closer to 60.
that magical age when 
men kill themselves in the Great Northwest.
I think it is better 
you don't know why
the parts of you I remember
are painful, flailing arms
knotted words. i know
we must have had
something in common 
besides parents.maybe
we had good times?
I'm so far away 
from who we were
then,I can't remember.
our little sister never talks
about you
but she leaves fake
flowers on yours and Mom's 
double plot in Memorial Hills
every holiday. tell mom
i'm sorry i missed 
her birthday again, august
is such a hot month.