Tuesday, August 28, 2007

was touch lost

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it was nt yellow it was
the way the smooth skin covered
the crags in your mind. the lopped
antelope's breath. a dingy
room with your midnight bones, birthing.
it was the lash breaking thru
any pretense of hiding
that you were the last thing
i touched in belief.

whenever it's full

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
then go. after what
is the sink in your heat.

trialogic parsecs blinded by.
currents and the next dose of hormones.

tomorrow i'll wake with lower expectations
than today. but that's just the morning talking.

by midday the melanin kicks in and i'm all
damn these lines are etched. smile woman.

outside it's suck on a smoke
with the woman deciding divorce or counseling.

i offer tobacco and an ear. wonder what she
uses on her face. another day is another day.

i''m grieving it's true. not like you but i'm getting
closer. last fall i saw leaves burned with internal sugars.

this one, i'll be lucky to sing happy birthday.
the one who became the flesh bullet wonders

how long to go on before throwing the towel
into the mildewed spa. traipsing past a lost wallet

with hells too high to wear as a belt. understands
that a taxi ride takes a lot out of a minimum wage wallet.

so i drive. the sky is not as black
as what i'm moving toward.

you think i walked to this country across the beans?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


so, the daily. the factory. the pushing
thru of machines to take
jobs from actual humans
continures. it's ok though, i convince myself
that no one would want to make sure
the damn sprite bottle is full or for that matter
the label's on straight and cut at the right place
so that you don't buy oca-cola c~.

we're talking financing, car sales men used
and otherwise, the bottom lines. she says
"so i told him show me on this paper where
the rebate is show me the trade in value"
just because i can't speak a the good english
don't think i'm a stupid! numbers are the same
across ALL languages"

i think of this latest war, begin to wear only
black. the four thousand of ours, the x thousand
of theirs. how many hours
of electricity in baghdad
today, what's the telephone number
on the fifth cell the first seargant retrieved
from the tenth pile of rubble this week. how

many rocks does it take to stone a woman, how
many marines to liberate her? my head
begins to spin, the coffee wears off around
this time of day and i could swear she said
something about the 90 miles between cuba
and miami, the fourteen months in chicago
at forty degrees below. every day's a new
battle, and all she means, in her own
idiom, is she didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
she knows how to walk away.

dude, where's my luv?

i've asked about me and luv
in the last month--it keeps giving me
the cross and triangle
with swords and staves. today it says
i need to meditate on cruelty
and bring more revenge and jealousy
into my life. huh, isn't that what
landed me here in the first place?

jezuz. maybe i'll have to revise my thinking.
but for now, i'ma go make dinner.
nuff bullshit on the web.
right after i tune in the daily show.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

need to change

in the half light i see what forty eight
reveals. she said it, my sister, first so no one
could say it better. it hits me like a laugh line
i've worked years to acquire. it's amazing
the delusions and flirtations we work ourselves
into. how the unrequited becomes the need.

how we wouldn't have it any other way.

what's fleeing is what brings the hunger.
one step foward,even if to the gallows.
we all gonna go somehow. the cat's nine
cat o nine the catamine lives, carmine
and bristling in the wind by the side of huge
impersonal stone, jutting like broken civilizations
the dental work of sabers, mother's growing pains.


i'm glad the chunk ran out. been reading
and i like that. djuna barns, experimental fiction,
pulp pkd. for the inz n out crowd. i tell ya dear
diary, if i could get paid for that. reading.
yeah but not some borning fucking treatise, i wanna read
sci fi, poetry, lit er a ture. sure, it's been read before
whatta ya take me for? i just want to read it.
ping! a nother nexxus in the lingo lexus.
climb in, have a chivas.















heh, i wrote a rhyme poem. it prolly could be a lot betta.
but it was kind of fun. i could see lettin that be
aa way to free up the edit or in me.
also this typing with my eyes closed thing. i wondder
if 'll look cypher or some really weird code.

stil no gquestion mark. woah. i ljust checkd
and it's almost perfect. i can picture the keys
in my head. i think 'm fianlly as trained
as finely trained . whoops, as those secretaryis
the ones in all the mvies, hyou now.


ready to scrig sir, can we have e the first witness"


yes sir, ahem. on the morning of june seven
this man, herbert tidsdale
was seen walkin in thevicinity of

excuse me

yyes your honor"

excuse me, i siad call tehe fist witness.

excuse me?

i said CALL THE GODD FK FIRST witness.

oh , um scertainly sir. the defense calls
herbert tidsdale.


you cna't call him.

why. why not sir

he's dead.

then ummm, why are we trying him

in absentia man, in absentia.

oh. nods head. sits on glsses.

well, then , defense ress sir.


prosecution, have ou any more evidence or ewitnesses
ou'd like to present at thais time"

no sir.

vry well. juruors.
do youf inc the defendant guilty or no.



jururs.

i hold yo uin contempt.


you may go home ms lyneozt

really pat. it's tme to go home.





























































is she still there?
yes, look , she's even typing.
do you think we should call the ...




































yes . rifht thre. just sitting.
all night.


well we thought about calling the m, but she 's not really




dangerous now is she"
besides. court will be in session soon.






































.

poem with sliced title

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a ballet of dust
--djuana


one mystery behind another. the scope of a harley
on a hairpin turn, glacier's white beard calling
to the sun, melt me. i waltz on a negative tutu
diorama disentegration into you. wherever

you might be. the past is not worth a farthing
this moment is possible because it's falling
into/out of octopus wide as a beach,and you
bring metal detectors and instruments of weather

a chtulu for president kind of decision, the watch
the tower the everpresentness of loss , the boss
kind of power. oh love, why do you tease me so?
it was summer and i'll keep it going, you'll see with

the thought of fruits to be plucked, picnics caught
in the razor phone, a zone best kept in moss
that gathers on my fingertips, while the walk -slow
into autumn- begins. seems we've always pitched

tents on the sides of seasons, you and i, brew barley
with yeast in the back of hearse so we can hoist a few.
nomads in deserts stained with dunes . thoughts
trying to find a place to go. what to call us, i dunno.

dot

speaking in numbers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3566 536 2875548 d5 the constant.
because it's music. i believe that one and one
make 2. i don't wanna i don't wanna




Remember when you
Lost the ability to
Write poetry and you
Could only go on



yes.




i don't wanna i don't wanna they've
taken away this outlet, this sand i've sifted thru
greedily for years now they want me off
the internet and belonging to them be long ing
inside the machine, give it up to them slave we've
tired of you, you could give more. you could
believe you could monitor each affair from inside ben wah
balls, the soft metallic song like a string that would go on
forever in three dimensions, like that movie carl
wrote before cancer came to town. she had long legs
wore fishnets. there was never any question
as to who was on top. but then,



I don’t see how anyone could really blame you



it's bad enough
isn't it
to live this life without having to
wade through
a morass of disco






I went back down by the mall today
To get my haircut. I was glad
To be relatively penniless,
Spiritually speaking.
To become embedded inside another person
Like a maggot or a bullet, becomes a kind of
Rule. She likes to duck behind it.
But then when her hands
Turn into fronds
And her abdomen is driftwood,
Sometimes, that’s when I ask the Moon,
What the fuck, so I’ll have a beer



so that when you finally sadly admitted
that your ability had gone,
head like a schizophrenic balloon, the summer
already shorn, metal head boy, zaftig girl, bimbo
rats and semaphores finding their way into the club

well, it was all better then. no pressure. the cab
came at eight, there ws time to allow a stop
at the bar with the polished wood panelling, amber
british lamps, gentleman's club pallor , you stepped
into the tiki inspired smoking area installed after the ban
went into effect. the way the waiter's khakis
rode his waist, effeciently,with a hint of hip,
startled you into dimming the brightness on the mirror
overhead. you order because you're hungry
and tip because he is. your hair thins, whitens,
loses interests and comes out altogether .

naturally this would be the point the baby begins
crying or the interruption of the dog/cat/frog/parakeet
cycle upon your musings. you plug the hair back on,
decellerate to less than prime speed and take a deep breath.

woah, that used to be easier. also, i think i'm running
out of fuel. things are busy bubbling in my world class hug.

to life, indeed monsier. how boring must be the void
not even whispering to get out. or wait, is that a butterfly
in a bombshell, is that a cynic in the tabernacle is that a
critique, ironically pastiched posted the next herionius mint.
what did she mean?what did you?
take the me out, aning. nice name for my next kuhshkah.
rymes w/caballah. gimmee a hollah
sometime.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

nada

wrote a pome at the pond
on a slip of paper. tried to take
it home. last nite i saw a star
move largely in the city sky.
cradles and graves past the point
of our return. i'm speaking in clice
cuz reading has filled me up
lately, i don't need to spill.

i make decisions based on a card and intuition.
fight cats in the baseboards of my head. how does
she do it? the concatenated slyables. the entrenched
dallying in pink slippers by the side
of the river? i can't think like that. she
assures me i wouldn't want to in every
delight. a sly smile towards homeless love
and the tramp, volleying words for food.

john lives on the side of the road, waves
his placard "i won the penn state lottery
and they won't pay" she wonders why he doesn't
get a job. red bow tie and pin up hair.
already she's sick of the way ambition wrests
itself out of her. she was close enough
to the street to feel it. how artless squalor
is more romantic from the window. a lost life
someone else's to live, she'll make her home,
not carry it, someone'll know
who she was and if not, well, hey,
we all gonna die anyway. let's get this show underway.

Monday, August 20, 2007

inside the machine

a help line, truncated at two feet away.
pink eye in the morning, lovers take warning.
groggy post haste fever in the aftermath
of simulated life. one fundred dollar alarm
clock simulates into a peeping tom with a sawed
off shotgun. bright green shirt. torn plastic
red think in the bush, in the brush, in the what
are those bubbles from river. imagine dashes.
imagine punctuation. imagine tone, released
into the sky, a red balloon parting the sees.
believe it, if penchants were purses, platitudes
would fly. work tires making their sounds. all around.

Friday, August 17, 2007

i'll show them my pretty

well, it's officially unofficial but counting
that they've cut me off from the message board
here at work. so that means a whole lotta blog surfing.
huh, work. how they always seem to provide just what i need
as diversion.

'need is always pending on how much you can get'

--a band
















heh, the band's name?
metric

Thursday, August 16, 2007

letting go of my hold

back in town i want to see your face
again just by accident, but all my prophecies
came true while i was on the road.

she kissed, you mist and the next title
is a new we for you to write. hope
it doesn't bite. meanwhile the way of usage

recedes into a future that's my past. my friend
calls me sage cuz i'd written this page, engaged
a soothsayer's last card i spill laughter on yards
of woolworth card love. you fit like a glove,
oj's, and i acquit you of all it, bury a gilt lined guilt

know the knife's in its hilt and we can catch up
with each other when a rebound is built
and destroyed or maybe it's real this time around
as real as the time you and i were lost/found.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

dances with pleiades

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one nite in oregon
we took a sheet from the rental bed
and went to lay in the shadow of the dunes.
four layers of clothing and still the wind she blows.
above us the night began its spin.

i pointed to the milky way showed you how it differs
from mere constellations of clouds moving
west to east by its lack of change, informed
you how in really dark areas it spills bright as quarter
moon into your eyes. then the perseids began
shooting over us, a rubber band we wished
to see again, but we kept our wishes to ourselves.

that way they come true, you said.

i dumped my reading glasses on the sand.
we had to come back
out with a penlight to find them
among the lookalike dunes -you wandered in circles
aimless and hungry for chocolate, giving up
before we even began. i was methodical.
the air felt too warm by the time they were retrieved
so we took off the fourth layer and trudged
thru the grasping sand, over solid wood , up ancient stone
back to where the path was over lit by the floods.




on the flight to tampa #16 [-]

(08/14/07 00:12:43)

ezOP

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brb to your reading jack.

"pathetic fallacy"

wht can i say, i think those that insist that bugs
do not operate precisely as we do, emotionally,
in their own reality are the ones with the fallacy.
that it is pathetic is true of all fallacies. this is what
truth is made of. can we know how a fly feels
at the exact moment of contact with sugar?
why wouldn't happy, contented, satisfied apply
this is the truth for me about animate objects.
but inanimate objects i have more trouble reasoning
how does foam become cruel?

when it occupies spacetime as our foam
while being a completely differing fractal


or not. ow my head hurts.




i was wondering why a fly
followed me from mt shasta
to the quality inn. then in the denver
airport it was attracted to the green
of my skirt. now 37 thousand feet into the air
i feel its happiness on being with a poet.

i still think i is a way to write.
what's more inviting than a trepanned alley.
take my you and raise me a she.
this lens is what we poetry from
and all your objectifying leaves me little
to curl up with o philosopher.

my son twitches next to me in sleep.
his head on the tray, dreaming of first period.

the man sleeping next to him is a boy as well
with eyes i've seen before, i want to immerse
myself in this daily so that i can put those kind
of eyes behind me, the ones covered
with unlined lids, the dewey ones, the ones
that have seen too much, but not everything yet.
they haven't seen a happy fly.


"once the words are written down
the engagement is gone
they're dead. "

WRONG
they're often dead for the poet
but not for the reader. 37000 feet above kansas
and we're really not there anymore
a tornado spawns from the plane's belly
lands in a cornfield, makes popcorn.
poppy seeds multiply in californian bottles
with drawn faces and the backs of charity.

asphalt on a sere field where fire once lives
hungry for more than peanut coated snacks
it wishpers then roars but worldlessly, angrily
it means to consume all this agony
running inside the veins of the ones who are not
shakespeare.



our very existence on this planet is, in a sense, just an imposture; given its radical impermanence, just to relate to, get along with, other people, even just, other living beings, we must bow our heads in patient acceptance of the day-to-day way things are even if, as poets and writers, we feel it hit the heart hard as a were or as someone elses to be . . .


hit as hard as a were

he tells me there are sophists and linguists
in our beds trying to fuck out the world of "to be"
to is to was to were to watching the purpling organs
of sunset thirty nine thousand feet up, where cloudes
are land and we ride into the night. when i get home
all will be
darkness and midnite, edt. is to be a particle
of time, will the battery fade before the light
do questions become the children of abortions
is the light of the television screen enough
to dim the reversal of falling into the boat
then falling up out of it over and over
and what of the t. not earl grey which will not
pass my lips until i can forget the new snapple
commercials. actualy. faggit aboud it i hate tea anyway.



"to be" as imprecation. as deluvian separater from the phallacy
of nature. an imposture as delusional as any created from string theory.
and judgement, well, let's go there. i like coke, not pepsi, tequilla not gin
free verse more than the gilded remnants of the past four centuries.
if i were a peasant i would perhaps have learned --a 15th cent peasant mind you
not the thoroughly modern one i am, i even have reprints of degas & dali procured without
monet, ahem aho, oh ah ummmm-- about painting whilst visiting one of the cathedrals
in a near by paris or venice even perhaps a hamborg and then looking around my hovel
i might have seen various places i could carve such epiphanies to god
to share with the others in my village but i wonder
would they crucify or conscript me? excommunicate me or enlist me
would they ever find out about the mary i'd fornicated with
out the 1tlinc's persimmon spermision the one who loved me for my art
and not my new hat? and if i can't like my name, why would you continue
to use it and if i used yours how upset you'd be.


so, i like cornchips but not cornpone, oat flakes but not corn.
i like sappho but not sophocles and jimmy but not judo.
i like the way your face looks in the film but not the book.
the way my shoes have a thong, and not my underwear
o there she goes again getting frugal with the titallation.

yes, it's a planeful of travellers. we've got a destination.
the sky turns
dark and dark above little rock. i have no
window seat, so the jewels you always speak of
are still alive only in your words
i like writing better than speech, mountains less
than beach, pomes and prose equally , the book
over the movie. judge not lest ye be
is ok for christ. he was a beggar. i'm a peasant
running low on batteries. give me one reason
to like something, and i will. call me catholic
call me diverse, call me a pandering idiot.
you be the judge.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

thing is

i need to talk to you. i'm glad
i don't have your number. i need to just
let you go let yougo let you go
but i haven't and it hurts like mad.


i feel like i do
then you creep in.
but you're so bad for me.
ok so it's not that
i wnt you, i want someone.
someone who can love like we did
or at least as you did.


sorry babes. i need to call someone babes.
that's sick.


i'm takng a shower and leaving soon.




third time standing
Lead [-]

(08/10/07 16:55:33)

ezOP

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the one who would be traveling
says to the one who stays in
wake up you little fart!
there's highways with rubber and goo
to roll over, scenery and viewpoints
with vistas you'll only see from the corner
of the camera. fat ravens , the color of repaving
stone ride air tunnels up to a pool
hall , a gold tooth as cueball

and looking in your window. the moutains follow
you home. you can be anonymous as clouds
rising next to jessica who sleeps tho jamie bangs
and knocks over and over on her window her door
wake up jessie i'm not leaving til you do still
she sleeps or doesn't answer
he'll be back tho. if she's not dead if she didn't
commit it in the bed. patric rides his suzuki
up the room next to me. the pacific inn
fills with wearied roadies, concerts mixed on the cd
each bubbled universe of one or two settling in the
nite each bubble verse impacting the next
with wind tunnel and passage.
















*]



what am taking from this. the scope
of aloneness. my son sleeps shotgun
with occasional bouts of consciousness.
is it depression or teenhood.
is there a difference?
does all my writing contribute to it?


three hours from my home seems alienating.
the ones back home say to the one who travels
do you know what time it is? my morning is their early
afternoon. the crow continues to circle.
traffic flitters by ,the human surf become machine.
rocks await in the bay at pebble beach. a hollow
tube of redwood skeleton is in the town square. i've
traveled at the pace of grandpas. mine slowly stops
in front of the handicapped room across the way.
the clerk who helped me with internet access
hads a small ring in her nose. she doesn't smile
she says we could pet sharks
we could do a lot of things but my companion sleeps
as if i'm transporting a vampire. the sun has a few hours

left. after all, it's still summer despite the cold.
dog days. the final hurrah. hurricanes could begin
in the gulf but i'm thinking tsunami
and so's the surf shop. he asks me about earthquakes
as if he'd like to know one. shake its big brass paw
and have it for a last supper. i fear the flood after--
small white and blue signs showing evacuation routes
showing all is well, we've thought of everything
to keep you safe, traveller, dweller of the road.
keep moving. "this life is more than just a read thru"




omnitrix combo #5 [-]

(08/10/07 21:13:47)

ezOP

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all along the nites here
there's been tv tumbling into
poetry, curtains drawn against
aliens. i've wanted a chat
because alone can be lonely
the mouse crouching in the corner
watch the cats play. most species love
humans, consider them a delicacy.
but at thai hut, shrimp are the menu
swim in noodles and won ton broth.


she has pictures she reviews
her son says she's crazy and he's seen some of that
in his life. a huge robot army descends on her
ankles and begins to build condos for commorants.
she makes the mail truck at the last minute
spends for the extra quick delivery, debates going out
for soda and water. harleys rumble along us hwy 101.

she's caught between the north and southbound routes
all philosophy dripping up the sides of the earth
disguised as clouds. come in closer on her headphones
which she left in the backseat of some former life.
she thinks she can go home again. she can't talk
to the wayside bar. disinclined to go for a mojito

or a magarita because alcohol
kicks her ass. her weed's almost
gone. she might get desperate enough
to turn off the computer, go find some place people
gather to be other than with themselves, staring
at refractions of inner space junkies. where's
standing where's the last of the drano, where's
the nearest walk in clinic so she can get a scrip?
can someone tell her the rules in this weed friendly state?
kicks herself for not doing the research.
the tv totally draws her into the energy tube
drains the xenon from her will, considers the vacation
paradisio she left behind where her local medicine
man would keep her in cups and ups and not only that
but her son misses his cat. it must be time to go home.
right after she sees what drew her to this coast
full of startled rocks imitating sculpture
and water, wearing them away one wave at a time.

oregon is too much beauty

the oregon coast is too much beauty it took several hours to travel a hundred miles
along the panoramic stops, the winding mountain
roads, thru valleys where one side
of the sky is gray and one blue.
i've splurged on a beachfront room,
i'm in an airey, almost to the top.
and of course, wifi hits me here.
the dunes are worth a thousand words.
i hope i see stars tonite.
the sun's still high in the sky
i've a one bedroom split level looking south
the pacific rolls just like the atlantic
only there's more beach and a tidepool.

today was driving driving but back roads
and sloughs. forgive me but i have to go
check out the sand. look for a mermain.

o and we saw a whale hump and spout
at the top of otter crest. i know
where i want to go to die now.































*




i'm sitting on agate beach. how i stopped here
was spellbinding and lush; a flutterbys' roost.
there's a delta and burnt wood, dunes where
sand sifts a mirage, a candled botany of motion.
newport. i like to remember names. they have no
thai restaurants in this town but many pizza joints.
go figure. i had taco bell on the balcony, the sky
was bright blue and bruised. they say rain
is expected somewhere. an hour to go 25 miles.

we stopped in hebe. corner store on a curve
the clerk didn't card the gray haired woman in front
of me for her smokes, but made a joke
about making her day anyway. i don't understand
small talk in the 21st cent . i smile and pay with cash.
i'm hungry. the next town is miles away.

we roll thru farm land, bordered by boulders
that loom earthquake. tsunami zone signs in friendly
blue and white pock the drive semi frequently.
semi concerned i think of looking up earthquake
activity on the west coast this week. and hasn't
the tide been out all day, after all? the stars
blur with my writing glasses. the other ones

blur these words, these substitutes for experience
yesterday i would have gone to the beach
walked to the shadow of black cast by the cliff
two hundred yards away. but today i'm perched
on the 3rd floor, debating the cold
and it's winning.

how would i survive in canada?
i'd keep moving.









































*































i went to see the stars after all. j woke up
and i got the suitcase with the winter clothes
we overdressed, 4 layers. the milky way
and shooting stars. i thought of the leonids.
of my mother. lost my glasses in the dunes
got a penlight, found them. goats head soup
rules the sky. no moon. we want chocklate but it's so late.
i'm sleepy. the beach at nite wore me out.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

notes on the trip...

ah, the second flight took off safely. one scarey thing
i thought i'd somehow lost the birth certs between
plane one & plane 2. panic disorder. thought we'd
have to skip canada or hey, do they fax bcs to the airport.

the airpoet i almost typed. quick backspacing stopped it there
reflection stopped it here. so what am i thinking of? mostly
moving foward. and also how do these families afford to fly?
i left all my yous behind, and now it's me and my favorite guy
for two weeks. i need you to come in closer, come in closer.


they say reading has declined, but anyone who's not playing video
is reading. i only have maybe 20 minutes left on the battery here
so i better save it to navigate out of spokane. i love google maps.
they have a hybrid that rox. tried to install google earth but this stupid
vista program won't let that happen. there's mountains out the window.
mountains. rockies. it took us 15 minutes to get above them.
ws gonna say they looked like something
but somethings only look they them. my skin, in the morning
every birthday. last nite my new squeeze spent the nite
cuz we obeyed the suggestion of getting to the airport 2 hrs early.
what a waste. it was code orange on the homeland security gauge.
has it ever been less since the towers? they took my lighter
but denver gave me matches. now tell me, if i was a terrorist
which i am, but only in my head, which is illegal but not verifiable
couldn't i light the whole small pack and set a seat on fire?

the one who is not a terrorist says to the wannabe hey
i hope someone would be brave enough to stop you.
and i hope if something like box knife was threatening
a plane ful of people the one who is not
would take control and tae kwon do that ass into next year.


or so they say. one side of the plane is blue
one side is grey. the stewardess looks like that nickledoen
actress that played sabrina. the guy next to me is cute
but young. remember, no youth. no youth fuckin. got it? good.
for this trip, no fucking at all.






.

she's right of course. the new black hope rides the political broom
towards the white house. what will happen if he gets the nod..
what shall happen if he doesn't?











my minds still wanting to deal with the last words i said to you
which were i gotta go have a cigarette. the new squeeze likes being called that.
i told him last nite he needs to get anew script. his old one just goes
over and over the way she done him wrong. but i say he let it happen.
he shoulda told her you want out? fine, go, but the kids stay with me.
i think they both just wanted gone.

he showed me this picture of his wife and her daughter on a couch
at a relative's house. in the dark window was the oversized face
very clear, very photoshopped looking of a young girl.
he swears, no photoshop. no reflection, the head was too large
to be someone looking in. my god tht ws freaky.zzzxxaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssswa








also the flight attendant does not like her job.
and those comedians tht point out how stupid the safety spiel is
are correct. they don't exagerate. however the flight attendant
on the last plane did put more performance into her instructions
about the oxygen. i wonder how long oxygen would last in this plane packed
with people.

i'm tired of wondering. we found the birth certs. there's a 1.5 hours left
and i had sex last nite instead of sleep. naptime.


















()()()___



day 3 at finch's.

morning, well, noon. i've been waking up early
hoping to write but something always interferes.
nothing to write angsty about but i manage.
i've begun to bleed again.
the moon is half full. the mountain top almost touches her.
she follows me up the stairs to the porch on the north side
but then hides to the south. she wants to let me know
she won't be my ruler much longer.

in the mountains, you must be patient.sporadic internet access
is the least of your worries. following a cargo truck up a mountainside
requires waiting for the double yellow line to turn single.
the only thing that moves fast is summer and skateboarders and kids
going downhill on their bikes. in the middle of the road. sometimes
they have helmets, sometimes they don't. but it's like america was
when i grew up. no worries about serial killers and pederasts.

oh kay. some but not like at home. the fear creeps up to these peaks
but you throw it back down the mountain. call it sisyphus cuz it'll make
that trek again. parents always fear for their kids, unwarranted sometimes
but we think it keeps them safe.


i wnt to stay here forever. but i would tire of it. maybe . the snow
keeps from actualizing this dream. i couldn't handle it but they say
that it's temperate in vancouver.


finchy talks about a nude beach, swimming in the freezing water.
or we could stay here and water her garden. later we'll go find a place
to look for rocks. i'm too old to care about nudity anymore. well, to want
to do it. i dn't need to be skyclad. never did. maybe it's a hangup
but oh well. at least it's a normal hangup. lolol.














()()(_)()()(















after nat's tuesday
outside of seattle, like maybe 45 miles
they have a wifi spot here
but it's 7 bux a day. eh. i wnt free. otherwise





no go. i'm listening to my mix
at the rest area, where i just took 2 hits of nelson
omg that is some pungent tasty stuff
janis joplin is on the radio.
i snuck the taste across the border where they indeed
have drug sniffin dogs but mine was
gettin the last of my menstrual blood. now it's sacred
but that one's drying in the foil. the one in the foil
stayed unbloodied. jamis joblin is on my mix.
i want to stay near pikes wharf or whatever. take the public
transit and just see seattle.
yeah. summertime.

weather report:it's grey and cool. mistly
mistly mostly. i've wood's coffee. she tole me i can write

in olympia. recgonizes the the long post and doesn't care.


the one who is traveling stays zen, stays in the moment, it rips
across interstate 5 thru clouds red lines them
evergreen rain forest he says and he's right. where is he?
why is there always a he in her head?

she said i need to be sure i get myself in any novel i write
about all the young dudes. characterise the pathway of feminism
show the disservice its done to women of this midgen. the one between

the boomers and the xers. the one that bred the nexters. the disservice
to them. she said we needed a radical to teach them but no one's brave enuff.
the one who travels says "i love you for your artificial intelligence"
as the cartoon network fretwords inside of style, inside of be iiing.
if i was all zen n stuff,or nirvanaed out the traveller outside
the frame, the one who is sleeping and dreaming away memories of guess what
of childhood the break into fledgling. omg! we're heading straight
into the puyallup valley where trees are thick with water
drip,stones tesselated by the only god that matters, time.

level 9!. saweet.

if i could drive at nite, take off at midnite and go till morning.
it comes late on this coast, the mounts and hills, cliffside obscurants.
my job is to see if i can write an entire line
or paragraf possibly with red lines and have it stil be legilbe

that experiment's been done. we know the human
brain connects in mysterious ways, chris gets pulled
into the mtv cartoon, takes me on, spills out of the eggs.
the traveler recognises and revels in the brainlesstude
of television. all bow to the novelty god. sure it's all been
done before. the stereotypes are petarded more vulgarly
in comedy central land but that's ok.


or is it.




conversation in yellow mustang convertible,
three speed manual

they drive along the orange groves
blossoming, it's spring. even if it's not
it's spring, because orange blossoms
are romantic and this scene has the romance
of youth. you want to know what i was like then?
she asks, shifting into third, grinding her sister's
gears as if she were already dead. fuck that , barb,
if i fuckin want to say fuck then i'ma say it.
you can take the power away from something if you fuckin
say it enuf. fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckity fuck!
she downshifts, a nasty curve on the lakeside memorial road.
they're coming back from getting high. the brakes are iffy.
the top is down. filly hair flips from three heads.
she runs the red light, barb sez oh man
there's a cop. and the lights flash.
i didn't tell dad but he found out anyway.
insurance you know. she turns on the blinkers

pulls into the left hand lane.






family guy in on the tv but they
aren't watching. it's a rerun.
to make sure you get it into your head.


olympia. capital city of washingtone.
rainforests. seatle does have lots of buses.
i tried to stay downtown, on the waterfront
but doubletree no longer has smoking facilities.
i parked the car, walked into the revolving door
saw the notice and revolved 360
back to the red taurus. entered the city by U of W
took the turn down to the other U.
ended up in the boho side of town, couldn't find
a room. no gaudy motel signs. kid asleep in the passenger.
crossed fremont, crissed the river, wended downtown
at the top of the hill i took a west, onto a sanfrancisco
back alley. strips of old northeast and montreal planted
between stone and glass megoliths. the radisson, two blocks
from the aquarium had construction around it. parking
was thirteen bux. i searched some more. got back on five
got off at the port. twice. wandered the pool halls and pawn shop
streets, braille roads, rails scarring the waterfront
concrete, bridges over bridges like mountains caving caverns.
i turned illegaly only once. silver cars parked in taverna lots.
not a pizza joint in sight but you can get teriyaki for a dime.
couldn't turn into the mission hotel. passed on the ontario.
seatle didn't want me. it spit me out, down the road, past des moines
onto a spit of state park nestled between middle class mansions
on puget sound. we found a brook. some stones. a circular jellyfish
and kelp, chopped and silky on the beach. and finally a pizza place,
with a view of the islands just outside of tacoma, and finally
the sun, reflected off the bottoms of the clouds, yesterday's blue
sky in residual patches as autumn's clouds move in to water the forest.