Wednesday, April 11, 2018

the morning of

well, it's not so special. in fact it's a nothing day
another work day, maybe i should stop and see
the grand daughter but i've been reading too much
just no mil and think maybe t've been overreacting
to the poverty, the neglect, the drunkardness
because like i told her, this one's yours. i don't
want a do over baby. .

but here's the thing , i'm getting old.
i mean can't open a jar old. bowel movement
troubles old. i don't know how over 60
makes it. we should get to retire in our 50s
but they move to the 70s. assholes.
i'll never get to retire. forget the age raise
it's the bills baby. i still got em, will ave em
can't get out for 7 more years. hell, i'll be 
a new person then, with genes going
defective, mutating, apoptosing all over the place,
i'm even typing wronger than usual
and words? i keep forgetting the names of things
or the perfect descriptor i know is somewhere
on tounge tip but not mine. and how do you
spell tongue, yeah that way i mean easy words
even, like recieve i'm spelling with red lines.

i sometimes am even tired of living. not thinking
suicide, except financially, but if i do that i
may as well off myself because who da fuck
gonna pay for me who gonna feed me
when i'm broke. honey just found out
that student loan he let go rouge is back
and it's green and big as hulk an gonna stalk him
for the rest of his life. so that dream of staying
home and taking care of him while he works
is for another woman, another time. in fact
he already did that. got a couple of kids from it.


so it's work time now. i better get going.
just let me finish this joint and visit john
one last time.

Friday, April 06, 2018

tnbp2

the night before you came home
let's-do-something-restless. fickle 
in desires, we couldn't settle on it
so you turned on the tv where real 
lives were led. only it wasn't a tv
anymore, we were well into the
the twenty first century, adulting
with the best of them, virtually
involved with memes and podcasts
that made us feel relevant and somehow
useful. let's call it entertainment.a game.

the night before is restless, wants happening
to happen now. unable to  to embrace
d\the undertow , wide awake we guess-
what's under the tree, what costume will she
wear, what will be in the basket, what's it like
to be married, a soldier, a college student,a kind-
dergartener- filled with  top of the roller coaster
 excitement, a small bewilderment
that life could be lived after this defining moment.

the night before every thing was prepared
except us. we knew it was coming, didn't plan
didn't think about it, didn't care. the warnings
went out months beforehand. still we drove
to work, dropped the kids at school, ordered
from amazon, opened the car doors like any
other night, emerging into dusk a conquered
nation, ready to keep peace in the house

 the night before lasts forever
 gone in a moment's sleep
you wish it when you want to
for it we do not weep.


aaaaaand that's work!

Tuesday, April 03, 2018

the night before p1

this began with a vague ambition, intentions
on the lam, a hidden spree always triangulating.
it was the immigrants or the icemelt or gramma
weeding roses in deep winter, the winter wouldn't


 let spring get on with it wouldn't  let
babes wander his receeding snowline,
reapplied propecia packs until well into april..
we couldn't do a thing,  all seasons have narcissistic

tendiencies but winter trumps them all
with the icy bitch face, the plan spoiler blizzards
the oversepping boundaries into southern places
 he shouldn't be seen . always wearing a coat and hat

insisting you do too--here this white one fits,
 put in on. put it on PUT IT ON. a real
 justnomother in law. but if winter's dad,
then spring's the mother, exposing the births.


*


 tropical clime is my habitat. the spring
pansies are golden haired, brown eyed and thirsty.
we're spared rain for the tourists. i think it has something
to do with the chemtrail contrails overhead but we

will never learn. just another contheorcy tm. and i feed
into tradmarking new coinages that limit the bandwidth
of meaning. sitting here on my podium, a fidget spinner
with a seat, like neat how can i get one of those, padded

like the cell i barely missed when i started 
this fool's journey through the tarot of life. i stopped
reading the cards when i met you. something about us
seems already told anyway, but i want to let each

disappointment be a surprise, each broken promise
a revelation, every expectation dismissed, the volt
of reality should pierce my heart at the last minute
all hope a scuttled ship, and let me slip

into goodbye with no life jacket, third time down.

re

Friday, February 09, 2018

ashes of goodness

in retrospect, the fire was quick
brawled through the swinging doors
up the stairs devoured inside out
now all that;s left is cold comfort and you


Sunday, February 04, 2018

the prompt is change

the sheet is heavy as rain
falls on the recently left bed
imprecise budgee flight, lucky
if the proper finished side
gets to the head. it's not a thing
with me. short stitch, long stitch
there are rules that don't have to be
followed. outside a storm, replete
with lightning flashing through
the open windows.

all last week on my way to work and
  driving around at lunch a turkey buzzard
flew in the sky, not looking for kill
specifically, just soaring, alone in a draft
feathers spread to grasp ripples, holding
its place, circling slowly away
or meeting me at an intersection only
vultures know.

in the evening if i leave work early enough
i get to see  high winter clouds pinking
in a carribean sky that doesn't belong here.
there is line of crows flying north
to south . if i get home early
enough i can watch the last of them
trailing and squawking and biting at each other
flying by like a line of music in the fading light.
i always wonder where they roost
what shelter can hold a three mile long
flock of crows looking, like the guy
on the corner of memorial and 580
for a bit of change.









Sunday, January 07, 2018

the prompt is shoes

and this is why i don't write well for prompts
because i all i can think of is i don't like wearing them
i grew up in florida in the sixties where shoes were
optional, except church, school and seven eleven.
even now i freak out my illinois born honey
going barefoot about the house his feet
feel all the grit but to me, it's just peach fuzz.
and why search for shoes
  just to go outside to
empty the trash? if it rains,
 and it rains here a lot
i'll take my wet feet over  wet shoes
and socks anyday.
a paper towel and feet  are a/c ready/.
 god i hate bathrooms with air dry.
in florida, flip flops-though not officially shoes-
will   apparently do
a lot of people agree because they're
 now approved footwear for  highschoolers
it's funny i feel this way and yet bad
mouth my daughter because until
this past fall, she had not bought
her daughter a single pair askin me
what size  to get when she finally
got a job so she could get her
more than flip flops and bare feet
which is not much less than what i
wore growing up and yeah  i had a case
of ringworm or two and cut the fuck
outta my toe one time playing in
flooded gutters in the rain and just cuz
  i don't like em don't mean
i don't own a pair or two but i still wear
boots- not official shoes- when it gets
cold, because i get claustrophobia
after a few hours my feet are smothered
burning, begging to be released
  that's when i know my feet were bound
  in a former chinese life
the young  bones folded in half, wrapped
in cloth strips molded for a shoe the hieght
of fashion, attention called to rounded
instep, the mincing, wincing gait
as i cross the floor with a pot of tea

so you can keep the stillettos and the
stripper shoes for the short girls who need
the extra inches, i made sure this time around
i didn't have to put my feet into trauma
though that's the only drama i've avoided thus far.
liv le nar

Friday, January 05, 2018

i wrote a poem for my pocket and lost it in my bra

i just remembered it's the fifth, rent's due
we got so many illegal people moving in
we gotta pay on time. i'm in my jammies baby
will you drop it off. you found your checkbook yet?

i dunno got a bit of exasperation with the daughter
who wanna move but wanna make me make it all right
beause she preggers but i don't care. she want it
she better get used to it. oh you're on the phone
and it's gonna freeze tonight i gotta get the flowers
and strawberry plants in. and the step who wanna

move in a month early and do't unnrestand sharing
exaclty. and  i gotta get  the needles to ease this tension
from my back