my cats are all old
like in their 60s, similar
to me. one weighs like 2 lbs.
i ask her if she wants me
to put her to sleep. she always seems so
resentful of being a cat, and alive.
sometimes resentment is my whole mood.
honey wanna use my car cuz it's got AC
for the summer. gas it up i say.
still he don't make the payments and his car
is on its last legs which is ok with him cept the ac
don't work. and he sweats. been shopping since april. it's july.
buy one already! i seen the idiots in cars reddit too many times
to trust my car on the road no matter who's driving it.
and i like my car. handles sweet, good acceleration, braking on target
full of bells and whistles i'd not want to buy except otherwise
you don't get a new car. training for the future, self driving cars.
i can even get software update on the console. they got my number.
for so long i was worried about privacy from the gvnt
till i realised how little frog i am. tadpole's
excrement even.
sure they know who i am
just like god
if they ever care.
what do i do? cry cry cry.
they're used to that. and dreams
never hurt the cause. and i blow up
a building or two i'm sure to be eliminated
one way or the other. collateral damage
is just the price of freedumb.
the gummint always gets their guy
even if it's the wrong one.
*
if only there wasn't so much pain everywhere
i mean phystically in my body. every synapse fires
some more than others but i'm acutely aware of each mm
of skin . the heart wanting its voice, the ears refusing to listen.
and if only this pain might cease. maybe go swimming to dissipate
but the sea is too far, even the pool , a mere block away, because it's not salt.
resentment of the way life insists
despite the repetivtive aches
to be worth living perhaps some
good surprise in the next moment but i'm too
stuck in a fog of pain
even if it happens
just a huh
and move foward in time
pinging ever lower
till the impulse fades.
***
imisss the white space, jack
i miss the way you put pot roast
on the table, the way you made diamonds
from water droplets, the prisms in my eyes
from black and white . on and off. no and yes.
i miss the person i was
who could sit thru that.
it was a lot of reading.
i always admired the character in garp
garp's wife it was
who said she wanted to be a professional reader.
not a critic. just a person who got paid for reading.
sounds like an awesome job. i do it all the time now
on reddit. it's like the world comes at you with the most
trivial epiphanies and you can begin to feel like you indeed
have lived it all. there is a lot of nudity and anime, scrolled past
thumspeed, it all registers like a gunshot on the japanese prime
minister. r slash unexpected. i once would
link to that sub,
building neurons for the AI
now it's too much trouble you can bing it.
i listed two things i am not especially interested in at this
advanced age and i have to say i would prolly have tried OF
in my youth cuz why not. stupid pig men.
it's a lot safer and easier than i imagine stripping to be
and that was our go to in the pre digital days.
i'm boycotting dashes in this piece because they have a shifty side.
so yeah i'd do only fans but post video nudes to reddit?
i like to think NOT. dpending on time of month i might.
but now? that's a big no. come on girls, these guys is thirsty
and viral is forever.
********
examples of things that stick
come to me at the appropriate times like
i linked to a research paper on how eggs
choose sperm
thru chimeric signals.
lets asy you were gang raped by
zeus as a swan, jehovah as a beam of light and
mohammed as your husband your egg
could send out signals that would delude the sperm
into thinking it saw nrivana and swim off in the other direction.
must be where those clueless political twats think you have ways
of cutting that shit off. scroll
down to a
Q/A between one indian woman
and a sea of men where she claimed men were not needed cuz
women could be impregnated by a dog and still bear human children.
just keep scrolling.
just keep living
and watching cows with vr headsets
or the matrix memes
about it
