personally

 i've got a lot of aches and pains

that do not diminish as time goes by.

tried a cortizone shot for my 16 year old

sciatica. it abated for a couple of weeks but

it's still the same month, and it's ba-ack.

since th out of pocket is met for this year 

what with the whole

 almost dying at the doctor's office

 episode i didn't have to pay but as i understand it

from google reviews the shots are 8-9 hundred

so i wono't be doing that again

they tell me there are other options but hoops

that i have to jump thru before exhausting 

reasons why insurance won't approve at this time

cuz you have you tried plan b or b1.a?

and anyway none of what they have comes with

even a 90 day warranty. if you 

die on the table you were told the risks beforehand.

your heirs can fight over the medical bills.

which begin anew on new years' days.

i want to lay down but i want to type.

not neccesarily to write. type.

fingers to keys. mind slowly drift away 

let the birds tell me their stories in 

a language i can only feel. 

****since i already wroonte today, i was going to pay billswhen 

i sat down,

i just wanna drit away down stairs.

gotta put pandora on.

going to go to the reopening of our formerly favorite 

sushi place that has turned into a buffet. 

the staff is the same so we're going to try it.

i feel like trump must have felt on day 732 

of his campaign to get re elected when 

he ttold a flock of christian voters to

"vote ofr me this one time and

you'll never have to vote again"

and no one

called him on it. like yo

bro, what do you mean by that?

how many ways can there be to explain it?

but he didn't have to. and he knew then

he could stumble onstage , say damn thing that popped

into his heat and people would exclaim, hell ya

that's badass .

so if i were trump, there would be no limits

and i feel like i can say damn thing about life

or gossip or fantasy or delusion

with a straight face and proper line breaks post ironically not caring about left or right hand symmetry just drifing off on a the next.. oh! a shiny new balenciaga

*

or maybe i've always written that way.

it disturbs me that this is essentially what he does

in his onstage ramblines we can call them soliloquies

because i think when he speaks he mainly speaks

tto himsself.

what's most depressing is how much room 

he takes up in my head. 

while i and me and you and you and me

pay his rent.

fuck i hate this shit.

impeachment seems a fools binky.

)()()(((

on another note

the manipulation of timing and matter

with hints from the fighting crows

as you approach the red light, see how

confluence works in the gulls flight behind them

and far behind that, a jet ascends from the airport

contrail behind, or maybe a cloud and

twenty feet ahead is the left turn, the cars that were stopped

begin to move when a tangle of feathers 

with an eye watching you looms two feet beyond 

the glass. it catches itself and heads up before

you can react and the light is green now

so you punch the pedal and go.

the whole drive takes half as long as usual

not because you were missing some time

it's just how you flowed thru the traffic 

a free radical skirting cars trucks and lights

thru some combination of charge and spin.

the miracle happens at anderson and waters

where you always get stopped.

green flashes on 3 miles ahead, no cars around 

and seventy is achieved like an UAP

orb in the night sky . you're through

the light like you  had sat there the entire

two minute and 34 second cycle

and earned this freebie.