the poets cried and the lovers dreamed

 my cats are all old

like in their 60s, similar

to me. one weighs like 2 lbs.

i ask her if she wants me

to put her to sleep. she always seems so

resentful of being a cat, and alive.

sometimes resentment is my whole mood.

honey wanna use my car cuz it's got AC 

for the summer. gas it up i say.

still he don't make the payments and his car

is on its last legs which is ok with him cept the ac

don't work. and he sweats. been shopping since april. it's july.

buy one already! i seen the idiots in cars reddit too many times

to trust my car on the road no matter who's driving it.

and i like my car. handles sweet, good acceleration, braking on target

full of bells and whistles i'd not want to buy except otherwise

you don't get a new car. training for the future, self driving cars.

i can even get software update on the console. they got my  number.

for so long i was worried about privacy from the gvnt

till i realised how little frog i am. tadpole's 

excrement even.

sure they know who i am 

just like god

if they ever care.

what do i do? cry cry cry.

they're used to that. and dreams

never hurt the cause.  and i blow up

a building or two i'm sure to be eliminated

one way or the other. collateral damage 

is just the price of freedumb. 

the gummint always gets their guy

even if it's the wrong one.

*

if only there wasn't so much pain everywhere

i mean phystically in my body. every synapse fires

some more than others but i'm acutely aware of each mm

of skin . the heart wanting its voice, the ears refusing to listen.

and if only this pain might cease. maybe go swimming to dissipate

but the sea is too far, even the pool , a mere block away, because it's not salt.

resentment of the way life insists

despite the repetivtive aches

to be worth living perhaps some

good surprise in the next moment but i'm too

stuck in a fog of pain 

even if it happens

just a huh

and move foward in time

pinging ever lower

till the impulse fades.

***

imisss the white space, jack

i miss the way you put pot roast

on the table, the way you made diamonds 

from water droplets, the prisms in my eyes

from black and white . on and off. no and yes.

i miss the person i was

who could sit thru that.

it was a lot of reading.

i always admired the character in garp

garp's wife it was

who said she wanted to be a professional reader.

not a critic. just a person who got paid for reading.

sounds like an awesome job. i do it all the time now

on reddit. it's like the world comes at you with the most 

trivial epiphanies and you can begin to feel like you indeed

have lived it all.  there is a lot of nudity and anime, scrolled past

thumspeed, it all registers like a gunshot on the japanese prime

minister. r slash unexpected. i once would

link to that sub, 

building neurons for the AI

now it's too much trouble you can bing it.

i listed two things i am not especially interested in at this

advanced age and i have to say i would prolly have tried OF

in my youth cuz why not. stupid pig men. 

it's a lot safer and easier than i imagine stripping to be

and that was our go to in the pre digital days. 

i'm boycotting dashes in this piece because they have a shifty side.

so yeah i'd do only fans but post video nudes to reddit?

i like to think NOT. dpending on time of month i might. 

but now?  that's a big no. come on girls, these guys is thirsty

and viral is forever. 

********

examples of things that stick 

come to me at the appropriate times like

i linked to a research paper on how eggs 

choose  sperm 

 thru chimeric signals.

lets asy you were gang raped by

zeus as a swan, jehovah as a beam of light and

mohammed as your husband your egg

could send out signals that would delude the sperm

into thinking it saw nrivana and swim off in the other direction.

must be where those clueless political twats think you have ways

of cutting that shit off. scroll

down to a 

 Q/A between one indian woman

and a sea of men where she claimed men were not needed cuz 

women could be impregnated by a dog and still bear human children.

just keep scrolling.

just keep living

and watching cows with vr headsets

or the matrix memes

about it