pressurized vessel

there's new meds on the bed
i gotta read the side effects before i take em
that can't be my body with these problems
insurance and heart gotta be  breakin 
maybe i should should call em
and save some dollars, my long time steady
wanna raise it like roller coasting on the incline
waiting for the big drop, i gotta stop
givin em my money. last month

i suggested umbrellas because april likes her showers
and this place is full of em but they won't cover
the aflak ness of my needs,
get on the insurnance ride to save a life
that might be meh
not worth the effort, speaking species.

i mean i guess it's all in the living, and maybe my stamina will return
any way i've worked all these fifty years i think i've earned a medical reprieve.
but let's be real, i won't stop smokin, so if that's a condition let's just end this
right here. i mean the last big adventure is the one we've been sold
if i believed  , i'd love to walk those streets of gold. i've not seen
most of the world, and i can't afford to now. i wasted my youth
staying put, staying proud. no one's really come back, despite the tales.
you don't cross over and bear witness to tell. you're gone, ya know
so there's that waiting near.

i met sandy, a performer, who thought much of herself
i wish i'd ever had her confidence in this cracked shell
she lived more life than i'll ever, but i'll mourn her never
instead try to strive for the places revealed in her death
in her life, the memores a theme in the night.












***\

bleh, it's april, poetry month
i am on a sabbatical
until my health is better
because it's all i can think of.
it's my news. but you don't have
there
don't you feel better now?

omgthe blog is baaa ack

ok, i'm about to reveal how age has crippled
me. for almost two years, i haven't written on
this platform because everything was tiny, squished
down, the very box of white space to write in
was only ten characters wide. my gmail fucked up
a little while later but it was still readable and by now
it's my official mail so i couldn't just start a new one besides
i knew i just had to find the right button
and everything would be restored. two years. my god.
it was the fuckin zoom key. display was 25%.

well in the meantime i've been hanging out at

https://ello.co/lynzepoet

a place which itself has been going thru changes a social
network for artists. wow. how social are artists? mostly these days
it's online pros and tumbler ex pats. i've been posting
there on and off and can't get no. just no.

if you visit, check out the hashtag #addictdiary

and no i haven't quit smoking yet. tho i'm down to 4 a day
from 15 in january. there's coronary blockage and aneurism
getting some lovin from my docs and honestly, it needs to STOP.
but that's forty four years baby

i was telling the honey(7 yrs, woah) that's my longest lasting adult
relationship. i can't just give that up. besides we all know
the way that monkey rides a back. i'm not that strong.

i think the docs taking care of me think something like
cut it out, cure her and she'll just be back.
hmmm, prolly. i mean, i'm only getting older.

it's odd dancer that
you'd send a sibling poem as my remaining one has lately been all tangled panties since i called her daughter disrespectful. let's see if anyone agrees. i leave family heirloom with sis oh, fifteen years ago because my daughter was a destructive teen, and i ask her safeguard it. she keeps it in her china cab till about four years ago when her married but living her daughter asks if she can take said heirloom. sis answers well it's not mine but take it anyway, i don't know if auntie still wants it, but if she asks for it back, don't forget it's hers. fast foward tonew years day, this year.  visiting  sister,at the same time as her daughter, my niece, i mention the heirloom,  sis says oh daughter took it . daugher says i did? sis relays the convo of four years ago, my mouth hangs open, dauhter says hmmmm, ok, i don't know where it is, i'l have to look for it. my mouth could not get more tongue bitten.   six weeks later,text niece, where is it, that was disrespectful to take it without asking. she agrees, says she forgot again, busy life you know and i do, i know her life is busy, but hey, do you have it still, i  mean i think i deserve to know. a few weeks later i get a call while i'm at work. my sis begins to yell at me do not call my daughter disrespectful. it was my bad, blame me, but not her .i blame you both i tell her this. i blame you both . she will not accept this. says do not ever call my daughter disrespectfull. i tell he she don't know me well enough to say that.my mama died a long time ago and my daddy knows better. so the earth gets scorched and the next day she pretends flowers are growing . says she wrong, she sorry but in her mind they didn't mean to disrespect me. i tell her i understand that, but irl, they disrespected me. don't call me she says. i'm going to my mom's. i'll call you when i get back..  she's back. i guess she lost the number.