balanance

it could be an even/evan thing
but only if you remember how to spell it.
i'd be remiss if it wasn't a bother


several reasons later i'm still
defending my opinion's
right to exist. that's not kosher
just  salty eye knowledge.

my yes. she told me to stop that.
i'm not about to get into the specifics
but i didn't. stop. socks everywhere.
agitation for the rest of the laundry.
the kids moving back and back again.

oh, and that pesky domestic
violence charge. colors in black and clue
me in on it change daily and not without
some basic rant. get her to the doctor
next week or we'll have some real
no contact time/ maybe over the top

conversations in an emergency room
of my choosing. and  emergent: laughter
from higher vibrations., tinitus.
 my ears are stuffed with an unbalanced
basket trying to break through steel just
loud noises with no where to go.

what are you doing here

he hissed in brazen undertone like he won
the lotto now he own the place like i can't be
anyplace i want as long as it's legal and no restraining
order. i mean can you bleeve the nutso convos
they having here.  that one in the corner
rocking her arms like she got a baby crooning to
 na aw, that baby done died fore it even got arms
that's how quick her mom n dad took care o things
it's a small town bean boy, if i was you i'd take
what allies i could being as how i can leave
and you can't. he said you can not.i'll have
you know i am here volunTARily and can sign
out against doctor's orders and nuthin they can do
to stop me but you my pretty boy are here to stay
till you prove yourself not a dangerous type.he snarls
silently, sides sneaky eyes across the room stalks
over the rocking woman and hunches down.
she can't hear what he mumbles
senescence seeps in or maybe it's the meds.
she seems to lose stature, sinks into herself
all innertube deflated and watches the lights
pulse.  the woman rocking the baby is crooning
softly. he likes the song. what are doing here
he whispers, a nice girl like you what is it brought
you here and he is so dumb my little one he thinks
he eyes but can't see, the reason we're here
is the same as his, we can't deal with our reality.
she bends down, kisses a hand, a head, goes
back to rocking. let me tell you about my daughter
he says. she stops rocking, finally looks at him.
there is so much hate in her eyes he falls back
on the floor and scrambles away. he saw a movie
once with eyes like that. evil swam out of them
and demons posessed the looker. he frantically
searches for the cross around his neck but they took it
and his shoelaces anything he could hang himself
with and he misses it, the way it pushes through his fist
the body of christ enfolded in hisfingers, his knuckles
armed with crucifixion, the way it spiked through
his hand with a blinding mix of pain and absolution.
he fingers the cut, still healing on both sides. what
are you doing here says a strange voice
coming from above
a pair of grey slacks, doubleknit ending
in highly polished shoes.pn
the reflection , sees purple, glances up
to a tie. then a face that lowers like a tethered
balloon until its level with his as he sits half up
off the floor. haunches, he remembers sitting
like that re remembers they call it on haunches
how hard that is but now he scrambles up 
himself, to talk a doc that just arrived
 says you're supposed to be at session now
don't you remember and he does so he aske\s
well what are you doing here you're supposed to be
at session  yourself the doc looks seriously pissed
then busts into a laugh and they grab hands buddy
style and pull each other up off the floor
then she inflates like a pulled lifeline
 i got all this power i been collecting
she yell
 begins to run across the dayroom
at dr purple tie standing still as a matador faces
a bull and at the very last minute side steps her
and jabs her with the needle he'd brought
in case of any trouble. she has just enough
energy to scream what are you doing here before
she passes out. duuude, says his charge,
that musta been a SERIOUS dose.
oh yeah, says the doc. gotta be ready
for full metal jacket. he pats his pocket
  smiles and offers
his arm to the man. shall we?

is rats all there is ?

one night we had a sister thing
you were going into one guest
bedroom and i into another

is this all there is? your face
disappointed in god , a child
with  nothing from santa. dad
didn't prepare us very well
did he? i suppose he did his best
i countered, surprised to be his defense.
but i had grandkids then, you didn't
know what they bring to age, i assured
you that one day they would make it
all seem bright again. i didn't realize
that, too, doesn't last . babies grow up.

the grands is not a chance to do over.
the grands is a chance to encounter what you missed
when you were busy being responsible
an intimate player in the game first string.
the grands sit on the sidelines, clapping
or booing, giving no good advice, irrelevant
except for the check. check that, we all need
help at one time or another but that's
something you didn't know before you were here.


i would address the really bad grands
but they're trying a do over.  when mine
had hers i told her she's yours. raise her.
then stepped on her toes while she lived
here because honestly she neglected that babe
out of depression and it broke my heart.
the grands shouldn't have to watch that
in silence. if it's my roof, it's my rules,
even for your kid. my attitude hasn't changed much.