lost

amazon prime card bank

americard glasses will

to live  lactose tolerance  

certain parts of my mind.

getting the whole thing started

has become increasingly difficult.

putting down the phone

rising from bed

 i've had an eye

like a wasp stung it -

an allergic reaction to meds

i got online, from a certified personage

with a degree im sure  

but i thought it was just pinkeye didn't

know how bad the swelling should get 

  should have gone

to an in person doc sooner.. i 

couldn't bring myself to care, my eye aching

i just slept and slept and when i woke i reddit.

each day i'd try to do something that i wanted 

to do around the house but i barely cleaned one closet

got the spline out of the top of the porch 

so we can rescreen before the middle of the month

i lost so much vacation time. oh well. 

called teladoc  but had to tell her myself 

i was gonna stop taking them. she gave me

augmentin. 

*9

every day it's some new stupid thing from washington.

this clown keeps breaking treaties and laws, alliances

with  an erkel-fied "did i do that?"  

next question

cuz he moves along he moves

cant't hit a moving target here's my spy story

and i think it's plausible

the penn state shooter, who they made sure

to kill after he got off a couple of shots

was so obviusly an inside job.  the candidate knew,

the secret service knew, the cops standing beside 

the building the shooter climbed on top of knew.

the crowd didn't know, almost blew the whole thing

what with the phones out recording. best defense

is stoopidity and negligence. i think that went over well.

so who...come on. day 1. dodgey overlords gangham eradication

the fed's going down baby. but let's be sure to squeeze 

everything we can out of it before it crumbles

like a sand tower. love me some 

sweet telecom contracts. what i don't understand.

i fail to understand, perhaps on purpose,

those that do not believe that the rich of this earth

gather together and plot the best means to exploit it

to the maximum benefit of their own pockets

 the evidence is in your eggless beans.

elon is their autistic hero, exploiting wokeness

then betraying it. rather neurotypical wouldn't you say?

naturalamente! His pupeteers are only psychopathic.

they know how to mask the spice. 

and they will have AI and humanoid roombas

to do their bidding. there's no need 

for the parasite class anymore. 

the jetsons are on the way

we don't have room for that. 

maybe we can send them to mars?

i always liked the movie total recall

&&&

53 days

it's supposed to be significant numerically

because it was the amount of time it took

for the german government to fall in 1939.

is our democracy stronger than that?

can a felon and his lackeys once again 

stage a coup on the world stage

change  the face of boundaries?

why this delirious cycle?

what drives this buzzing high pitch

the whizzing of bullets and guns

the itch to take what isn't ours?

once there was a dream of equality and peace

sharing a coke in perfect harmony

/s

i read the last blog entry to my honey who said

it's good but it could be shortened.

i guess it drags out loud. and it makes me sad

cuz these days there's not much left 

that i feel he even notices about me. but that's 

probably my depression projecting.

he deosn't have the time for an us.

he's a dad. i miss him. i gotta get back to my life.

remember i wanted to write

to travel

well i can still write. 

too old to vagabon my bones

be feeling all of the 65.

it hurts to even sit in this chair and type

for more than 20 minutes. 

()

ok i don't k now if i've written this down

but the guy at work who's in the cult

there's a lot of them 

but he works next to me so ..

i've tried to talk to him after the election

but when his final rationale for the name 

change of the gulf of mexico is

i think it's bad ass that he can do it

and he's a badass for doing it

i mean what can you say to that.

anyway

fowarding

today i'll do all the bad things

smoke in the house

drink all day

laze about ne're do welling

sex on the coffee table

heroin in the bathroom

talk politics like it matters

cocaine on the baby's changing table

*

i mean the country i grew up in it's 

being murdered in front of my face 

from the inside, with full faith and confidence

of the american government backing it up i saw

a home town  hero

arrested - protesting a man who was elected

not crowned, busted for speaking his mind which

puts a chill on the things you wanna say online

but don't  let that cross my mind at this time

i'm llearning to sing again.

lost my voice a few years back

aortic aneursim, abdominal.

subliminal changes to the box

where was i? oh yes

getting old. i mean my dad's old.

87. just had surgery for pancreatic cancer

living in his mobile home in ft myers kindly

deflecting any help from his daughters

cuz he's got people who help. community.

i'm grateful. i don't have the bandwidth.

there's a reason they let the old retire. 

we're not exactly useless but we're slow.

it's all the aches and pains you see

it's not that younger me didn't have them

it;s that younger me had better regenerative properties.

i could recover faster, more thoroughly.

face it, i'm a spent team horse that's only gonna

drag the whole thing down. 

i've only been dreaming about work.

gone are the fanciful end times stories

planes dropping bombs

oceanside camaraderie

snippets of other lives dripping into mine

 the only dreams i remember

are about work. involve the upper management

at work. the trump supporters. or maybe i only

dream of the tornado that can pick up and splinter

all my small plans onto the nebraska plains

()

i have been sick. it's not just whatever

viruses find their way into my system it's

the toll of the murder in process. it's the feeling 

so powerless. it's watching the vampire draining his victim

from behind a hurricane proof window

knowing the only way to save them is to crash it

with the force of  thousands, hundreds of thousands of deaths.

and the face skulls out

flesh dissapears to reveal the bone underneath

the promises delivered. 

the body drained, the monster fed.

but ever greedy.insatiable.

you and i we

only survive by chance like ants

drowned in a sea of blood.

**

how delightful.

()

they can call it fmla.

i've lost 20 lbs since november

unable to eat or bulemic, diarhetic.

sugar stays down. no lactose. 

pizza is out, milkshakes out, yogurt-out

 i know there are alternatives but

they're expensive and hard to find. 

low choice. sugar free and lactose free.

i'm picky. picky picky. when i was kid

i wanted to be picky. the only thing i got away with

was i didn't have to drink sweet tea. i could have water

which still threw off the rhythm of gramma's

sunday dinner  cuz you'd have to remember to leave one

ice full glass empty when  pouring the pitcher.

picky. so now i'm old and tired and i know i keep 

saying that but man, if you're young you just don't get it

and if you're here you're just nodding saying land the plane suzy.

which is coming in without  landing gear 

and i've never flown one of these things before.

hope we make it out alive.

~

i saw the ducks wander up the driveway

headed for the porch where we feed the strays

we used to have four cats, all elderly. 3 died within

a year of each other and the fourth, a marmalade, 

has allowed the orange colony that lives under the trailers

access to our porch. maybe because we gave them all names.

i'm sure they have others, they don't live here. just hang out

waiting for the dull tinkle of kibble against plastic

to emerge from the siding or under a bush.

a watering hole. but the ducks

have caught on. now they come advertising

their presence with shit spots on the drive way

honey always runs them off with ice cubes

yelling get off my lawn!

i hiss at them , it seems to work. 

these are the kinds of days that i , at 65

should be able to experience. i've worked

since i'm 15 paying into the system currently

being dismantled by the king and his krony kousins.

they keep moving the goalposts. 62, to 65, now 66 7 months

wtaf ?i'm pretty sure ,by the way wormtongue 

 uses it as the carrot

for all this sticking

that whole system is gonna be cut with some royal

interpretation of the statutes establishing the whole program.

which , by the way, IS an entitlement.

like, i paid in as investment(think 401k)

 i'm entitled to the payout. 

yeah, i think if we could somehow take the social out of it

wordwise

we could keep it.

 naw

that's wishful thinking.

vampires are ever hungry.

****

hello 2025

 i'm still alive.

not even so sick tho

today a took a day in honor of it

as the sun declines to shine above

all day, it peeks from the west now

at the end of a bedded day fighting off

a virus that still threatens to erupt if pushed

too far down my lungs. 

my ears ring constantly

the tobacco didn't arrive via mail today

held somewhere in the northeast 

in wintry grip , an ice claw 

creeping even south now

deriding threats of global warming

turn up the wheels ethel

wanna drive this lifted truck 

into the pasadena fires

and the blizzards of florida.

anyway, money's the only reason i turned

this part of the machine on 

a sunset whimsy perhaps

the spinning eye of sun

landed in my mouth and i saw

the last date ofentry

the material, the vow i seemed to make

brought to nothing so i thought

well the business of america is business right?

why not go and get some of that?

it was brought up in conversation

the seeds germinate in winter.

fuzzy headed visions, enfluerescent . 

micro explosive germanium heads.

ooo i could have music i could 

have memories