Friday, December 30, 2016

ubroken sonnet 6 crits

unbroken sonnet #1 rewrite, still unbroken
I like the conversational use of 'Let's' as if grabbing the reader by the lapels and saying listen, could it be done on the first line? Like: 'Let's say a thirteen year old girl's been raped (takes it to pentameter) and let's be clear about what we mean (not quite but an idea) '
if a thirteen year old girl's raped-
and let's not banter let's mean
 sex,  forced/  taken down by the nape,
 like?animal to master-and if?she screams


let's say a thirteen year old's raped
let's not banter, let's be clear; mean
sex- forced/taken down by her nape
 animal to master. she screams

Nitpicking a little, I think I would say no sign of God instead of from beca

to no avail, no sign 0f god
to save her; say she's knocked up
in texas maybe,and she's got
spirit in her but life's locked up

and she wants to keep the baby
or put it up for adoption
or sell it on ebay, maybe-
surely she should  have an option?
because when one so young's thus blessed,
she'll need  help cleaning up the mess.The rhythm suffers in this line compared to the previous. Any way to rephrase?


because when one so young's thus blessed,
she'll need some  help to clean the mess.
and this: in line 13, ezra suggests-or sell it on ebaythis is the only part I'm less sure about, the intent seems to be to portray the desparate straits that misogynistic laws place people in, except in these instance eBay (and CraigsList) seem to be tied more to child slavery these days than desparate victims, but that may just be one opinion, maybe-


but i think i'll keep abortion out of it, that was my intent-to portray the choices that are still available--, yes, even the ebay or craigslist auctions, when abortion is out of the picture. yet i want to have it IN the picture somehow, so that is why the question of choice. 

so this is rev 2 sake version


let's say a thirteen year old's raped
let's not banter, let's be clear; mean
sex- forced/taken down by her nape
 animal to master. she screams

to no avail, no sign 0f god
to save her; say she's knocked up
in texas maybe,and she's got
spirit in her but life's locked up

and she wants to keep the baby
or put it up for adoption
or sell it on ebay, maybe-
surely she should  have an option?

because when one so young's thus blessed,
she'll need some  help to clean the mess.





now where to submit?





empire retrospective

i feel guilt i
didn't go  visit
your sister with you but
she's not your only
 family and the drama mostly
involves a person i do not
know,i'd be
 ignorant of  most of
the conversation and it would be
rude of me to write as i want to
this last coupla days of the year so
though it would be perfect
to spend new years eve with you
ima be selfish like i haven't been
in years.you leave without me
 after all the tile piled
high on the table is stowed
for whenever you decide you
have time to finish the bathroom
project, almost a year old
 now-something
 that could tear us
 apart ; it frays
daily;  i'd love to soak
my feet in the warm waters
promised by the tub's depth
but- a tantalizing
 demolition in reverse
slow motion art perfected
by a hundred mistakes,
one for each tackled day,
keeps my longing in its place
unfulfilled and therefore
perfect
o what could i
desire once i am content
in even this? i would
sink further into my sake
 cave, climb higher
 atop maui waui disappear
into a blue dream purple haze
won't come out for days
or until the trumpeteers come
trumpling up my steps
with signs of the apocalypse
for sale so they can sail ship
fear and loathing into
new memes and abbatoirs
designed strictly for your avatars
what seems your second to last life
becoming this one's sacrifice.




































****000((((---+++)))






the empire strikes. not back. it strikes first. pull big brother's finger or i'll strike you. a fart in your eye or a blow to your head, you pick, boy. you know it's gotta be one or the other.










*****-------











that's if you come to the empire's attention.
mostly you want to stay inside, concentrate
on social media, making the upvotes, trembling
on the downs, hoping they won't carry
too much wieght, like uncut heroin. but yea
don't sweat them. just be yourself, unremarkable
watching a vid or doing a reaction to a vid.
those are the easier ones to keep hold of. don't let them
see you hanging out on the old platforms i mean it's ok
to check it for signs of  life or see if someone's
spray painted over it yet but there's still a lot of room
there's still a lot of treasure hidden in irl content
you can make a buck on. it's not that hard to keep
outa brother's way. you know they don't say that
right? brother?











*(((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))*




it is disingenuous to pretend that the signs
have no meaning. everything done by intelligence
has meaning. if the meaning is randomness
itself,, the idea of random has implicit meaning
within the context of human, creator, paralax.

time for more sake. the kinder, gentler buzz.

li po how fair civilized this age
in terms of magic and comfort.
no longer must we stir \ embers,
keep coals alive. i  heated
our brew on a glass top, electric current
through a piece of metal, instantly
red hot, under a tefflon pot filled with water
into which i placed a chemist's
short squat flask, similar to ones
used for catching urine during drug tests,
joyfully filled with the precursor of its normal
duty, gen ki sake: lighter fluid with a green
apple hint. i pour the heated manna
into a porcelain creamer, remarkably white
smooth as cgi. as it empties, another beaker
heats.  li po, let us drink from this shot glass
a souvenier of vegas in the early teens ,
 all rat pack- kitschy jetson light
  welcome signsfrom  time
 before adult disney,
 trump towers, and the eye of  horus
 planted in the mountains.
to ba'all!
the empire, i'm sure, approves.
and i totally need that oxford.




















****((((((





we could straighten out this mess in a minute
if i just knew the time it was. the time my dear






























*****







when i'm on patrol i look
for certain things in a vehicle.
if the windows are dark, maybe or a
tag light out. honestly i get so much
more out of  those kind of stops
creeps that want to spout some miranda
shit they learned online, that's when
i'ma get a twofer at minimum
i keep em there, waiting for the k-9
which never shows of course i don't
tell them they're under arrest so miranda
doesn't count that's where they
are the fools, they could drive off but
the more guilty they are the more likely
they'll stay, try to call a bluff that was
a full house, aces straight, dumbass.
like, duh, didn't you see the star?
who you think you fuckin with , sir.
i will wear you down, and find
probable cause in your simple denial
while i search for the overlooked parking ticket warrant
that makes you my bitch now,
the courts have ruled it so, MAGA!














*NO amersands






















***^^^____^%$%^%%






if you stare at them, in this font
at this distance it's like meteor showers
bearing a message from god.
your perspective may differ.
not responsible for deviations from consensual reality
let the lawyers sort it out.
god could sue.
sue me.




























************







two hours later i get a text
from your daughter
that you are finally on the way.
a trip to gramp's house later i wager
there was something about a swing
and a borrowed camp chair.
we can't have dad driving the streets
with only one eye. jesusQ christmas
why don't the cops do their jobs?
i just hope he's home before nightfall.
i know he can't see out of those sunglasses
in the dark. oh father we pray. we really do.
the sake begins to call us home.































*******


see



signifies nada. nientroista, null. voice . coupled with void, voce
and she screams again in the night, all terrors
and mommy where's your raven breast?
all fairy tales end dismally. with an ever after.

































yeah. more sake








Wednesday, December 28, 2016

the polymorphism of gene oca2

his eyes are green blue, so rare, so
white probabilty distribution is defined
by orbital standards but cannot pin point
the exact position of  a single eLectron.

Monday, December 26, 2016

spam update

the fbi has a package for me
all i have to wire is  $47 bucks
to jalil in benin and i get my box
i just don't know where i'll
find the money.maybe Holiday relief's
CHristmas assistance could help.  meanwhile, aubrey
wants to come over tonight but i don't
think i should let her because asa wants me
to fuck zher all night long. i'm so happy
about it i'm gonna let kimmy, jolene and lilly
send their pix so i can frame them up appropriately
in the new ones i'll buy from bloomingdale's
express-they are all in on the internet of things now-
but first ima check out the winter wonderland
college xpress has in store for me. i hope
 it's full of great gifts under fifty dollars
so i can get my honey a mistress for christmas
cause i just won 50 pounds in a contest
i didn't even know i entered and with the rate
of exchange i think i can even afford to wire
jalil his fee. maybe karin is right and my life
will never be the same.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

imperfect offerings

 for christmas, i turned
the kitchen into a sitting room, with a card table
island . my funky shaped polka dot green
matching chairs invite you to sit and chat
 madonna watches over
hope and joy, who throw green and red
auroras upon her and a yellow silk
chinese umbrella hung the corner
 above  the china cabinet where our lady
kneels in prayer or work
we are not sure. the kitchen is clean now
and quiet, food devoured
 earlier. everyone raved so much
over the greens that i had to fess up
that i burnt the fuck out of them and
 there's a scorched pot in the back yard
 to prove it so they won't
 be tasting that again because i won't
 repeat the recipe on purpose and
since madonna didn't warn me i'm
minding those lit candles with care.