unpublished

 dancer, are you , now?

i haven't kept up with my internet

life because the dots and dashes can be

deferred the collapse into being

while unobserved. until then you are

still dancing. i have you in a book

which is the actual most you could ever

have of anyone else. it's all false and past anyway.

i don't mean to say it was useless it just was

but is not, any longer, now. that's how fast we move

in the heavens. have you seen this?

https://www.universetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/tumblr_mj0vvcqnZx1qdlh1io1_400.gif

i used to get all fancy with titled links 

opening new pages from highlights n stuff

but it all moved so fast, as soon as learn one way

boom some software engineering

get his was developed and foisted on

machine users so eventually i gave up because

i'm old and tired and sitting in a chair 

to bitch and moan or cogitate on the mysteries

doesn't hold the appeal it did when to my pre sciatic

self. sensations and thoughts emil. i' ve looked from both sides now.

i'm sure there are more. layers and layers

oniions for dinner.  do you not see how

in all this using up of resources

that writing is put last because of the devalue of it.

the negative value. the time wasting going nowhere

as opposed to reading reddit all day? come ON!

but i can read all day LAYING DOWN. 

gravity hurts at 64 years per lifetime. 

the benefit to body ratio is much higher with reading.

the subject matter IS open to debate tho.

i'm about weary of the zietgiest. yes you are the asshole

if you can't read the room or just decide to be snarky.

own it. assholes are essential to getting rid of waste.

*8

whar occupies my time is grimy

doors, crumbs on counters kitty litter

on the bottoms of bare feet. and why can't i

afford a housekeeper. bad life decisions my dear

too late to change them now. best i can do 

is tread water.

**

scuse me, treading water atm.

***

so you see, we are all correct

about this one mind thing we are all we

even though your lens describes it with 

a lot more words than i can even summon

at this stage. i adjust the spine, tilt

my eyes just enough to make out typos

quickly backspace to correct lose my train.

bye bye choo choo there it goes.

i'm thinking of work again

how adjusting to the little parts

requires this manipulation then come back round

to the fact that it hurts anymore to write.

most i can hammer out is a few signs to the void.

you keep talking about the void. the space between then and n ow

the remembered and the real.

but the memories are clones of the past.

i've never been to that bridge but you are always returning

even in remembering me

you go back to before me

because that is where you want to live.

is this a male thing? my honey has that vibe

was bruce springsteen right about those days? dayum

ya'll are some of the smartest guys i know

you with all your talk about the spiritual dissecting it

as if you could label each jump into an anatomy chart 

and he with the arcane beauty of chemistry 

and the london dispersion force. 

i mean it's all so related yet the metaphors 

are disparate. and tnh dont even get me started, i understand

nothing.

but the thing is i'm pretty sure i was talking about 

the impermance of writing, the desire to hold on

that needs to be let go

and then you send me same.

lol. 

connected but not admitting it.

i can't copy paste this to  you as you

contact me on the phone and i am on 

a web based platform that would require a share

after i hit publish so i dunno  if will

go on the phone and do that. after all

i feel like it's on you to find me.

*

so blogger unpublished something i posted

a couple of decades ago. an outtake from the box

where i used rape and splay in the same sentence so i 

wanna see if they flag me now.

i wanna see just how far this senseless censorship goes.