spanish needles

yards thick with 

sock nettles. an unencumbered ephipany

awaits, pounces, flees as roots are torn

 from the soil, shaken, tossed.

 flummoxed bees wonder why waste the edible?

midday sun defeats her as she bends and pulls.

the yard barely begun, she drops the shovel, it snags

her mulitcolored skirt, slowly drifts

to the flagstones, lands with a small thunk;

she as well, into a chair. she constantly believes

the pain will abate, but it abides behind the NSAIDs

which eventually wear off. her kidneys are 

american fast food workers.  a stroke strikes

like a rainbow,  illusion of light, property of water.

sun passes.

she isn't close to death or anything ,no closer than living.

wishes she felt more alive. the pain will abate. give it more

days, healing takes time. her daughter taught her that 

***

happy mother's day, mom.

how's the weather, my driving's getting better

the bouts of anxiety are fewer. some days i'm just sad

because of that hurt little girl i think 

you  might not be able to handle this but when he died

my molester, my buddy, my uncle, it was as if

my lover had died.  i was so sad because he was my 

boyfriend and my world just fell apart, at six years old. 

so that's why i became withdrawn but i remember telling myself

to just forget it, there's nothing you can do, so just forget it

forget it FORGET IT and i did. until the memories started resurfacing

with jonnie in middle school thinking so this 

is sex why do i remember it so vividly

when this is my first...it's not right to remember 

so i pushed that down too.

(((((((((((((((((

))))))))))))))))))))))

00000))))))))))

she pulls the tiles one at a time

then pulls the weeds between

 them they

  sprung up from the inside hallway

four-no six- years after the remodel

after her daughter lived in the house

for a month without them. quarantined

with no where to go. she tastes salt when 

she remebers how his family , he, did not

support her supporting her daughter's family

how the familial  house sat empty while she

paid for extended stay hotels. 

pulls the burr from the sock

tosses the seed into deep soaked florida sand.

it was shitty remodel, finished under duress,

conflated with the bathroom remodel that

ruined her plans at christmas when his grandson

was born. now she lives with that birth

and takes care of it. pays

 for her daughter's childhood dream 

to be a mother because everybody was so fucked up

by their parents. resents resentment.

^^^^^^  0)  0) ^^^^^^

and now it's years and months past when this began

the kids continue to grow , weeds in the yard

spring up, flower. she keeps pulling them, drops 

them into the the burn pile which may or many not

be lit at summer's end.  everything gets 

imperanent as wind. her moods, his yelling 

the kid just tryna grow up. unknown if there is a  how

to make the situation right for everyone. pops

is gonnna pop.  her lover begins his exit

she keeps opening the door and pushing him out.

lego kits begun and abandonned. disagreements

over which table to use. fed up with thises

glossed over by ima do it spitwax.

she's been there before. it was just here yesterday

at her youngest grandkid's birthday party

when the ex showed up. remembering

 how he

and how she

should have left so long before her exit.

how it feels that way again this situation

she doesn't want to be in 

at all.

shovel into the dirt, lift, grab

hydra head stems , twist  the roots , slide them

 from florida sand, shake off the excess 

toss in the sun to fry,  deliberately

destroying a useful and edible sustenence

 in times of drought 

like they were sandspurs