half a gram

i dunno, i miss writing. but nothing i have to say
seems original or worth saying. i've lost my voice.
i gave it to love.

not complaining.  sex
is such a power thing. all of it.dominant
the desire to inspire desire.
and we need it.

 honestly sunday
i was null. i just surfed reddit and fb all day.
i let her sleep all day bc it's summer
vacation and you said your best
memories of childhood were
of the times you got to sleep in
and had no commitments, nothing
to do. she slept till sundown. but it's ok
bc your house is like that.








*






the world hasn't ended yet my friend
even tho after dinner my fortune was empty.
i kinda feel that way. like i'm stuck here
in this work/eat/sleep place where the dreams
i can dream are truncated by coughing
myself awake.



the world hasn't ended and the work never will
but the rains began on sunday. everytime i say
that word i feel her.

your mom is hoping that this date
will snap you out of it  your recovery
seems to come like waves. i don't care
to  ride your fundamental religiousity surf.
so i wait till you land, either head in the water
or in the sand.


was thinking how everytime i steal a line
i should quote it. the scarlet ""

e.g.
"so you become a poet like that's not some kind of failure"

or something like that.
i guess have failed. i can't travel
europe with a backpack now
not that i ever wanted to i wanted
to stay in jacuzzi loaded air bnbs
i don't wanna camp it out but
i wouldn't mind walking it out.
i haven't even seen all of usa never mind
america. didn't go to mexico or s/a or
even the bahamas but i got out of the country
at least. went to canada. that was
a good time. i did want to travel
and i got poor and scared almost starved
to death, tied my self to an abuser
not his fault i'm still not blaming that man
even though the way he acts he now
is his fault so i guess you could say
when he became an adult. ...or wait
i don't think you could ever say that.
he does not adult.







that's not to be mean. it's a fact.
i don't wanna think about him.
he pisses me off. he IS an abuser
just like the scum who almost killed him.
a snake's baby gonna be a snake.





that means my babies are snakes . no
only half breeds. i'm a salamander
so their snake got shackled









*


it's five minutes till i should be
at work. no such thing as should
i will not be at work in five.

but i wrote this am
and that may be a start.
only smoked one smoke.
i can't admit it was inside
or i owe five dollars to the house.