spiralling outward,into myself

form pattern motion time
these are the dimensions of matter


dont' call me lover

it's only sex. my lovers
are chilean stadiums
before the quake, my lovers
are uncleared body thetans my
lovers come and go in kalpas
the size of a nutshell, they overlap
like ripples of light in pool
dive, open my eyes.


you can call me landlady
a place for time to stop
and take its shoes off
leave  when the summer
comes along.


meanwhile my straight line
gets curved by a gravity well.
every star's a settling point
a transformable hole/black to white.

don't worry if it makes no sense.
worry if it does. hey wait.
don't worry at all. worry's a contrail
in a windy stratosphere. it's a rhyme
looking for a reason.






*











so i'm remembering the elephant's comment
on the hills of altamira. i'm focusing
the weed on a blasted surface , then pulling in
so the microscope cant' find the tip
of my fingers.  the observable universe
is threaded into the dark matter, neurons
and ganglia sprites mimic memes --
cascade cutouts, spraypainted schoolbus yellow
tagged with a quazar.






















*













write more, we'll make less
time between the strokes
or we'll ask for a  stroke of its hand
to sweep over the eyes peering
 like a flock of lakes into the mirror
that isn't there.

i f i listen hard enough

i find myself doing again.

just because there's good sex
and compatibility and oh
not to forget conversations and well
good times doesn't mean that someone
will love you. strange love
the nut and fruit separate like cashews
eat them individually not meant to be
used together, always.



so i get it. no is a good way
to keep distance. deny yourself
deny what wants to grow because
the soil is poisoned before it begins.
the soil doesnt want this seed or
the seed doesnt' like the soil.

no no no.
practice that for a while .

























()*




oh yeah. and uhmmmm
yeah, no is a headspace
you know intimately.

why do you still question it
expect it to change?
i told you what will be. deal.

you can yes you can no
it won't make a bit of difference.
so. try no for a while.
yes has been very bad for your head.
k?


































*(&













 what's wrong
everything

still it's a wonderful world
























_)(_












i need to push myself on.
no one pull me. this is your hermitage
this is your life. next life get to to
the back of the brain line. maybe they'll run out
before you get any. ignorance is renewable hope.





















)*_




you will go soon.
i can't let myself get used
to doing things for me.

i have been a doorstop along the way
a place to have quiet and freedom
of a sorts. your prison and mine
in our heads. i am not your physical ideal
and you aren't mine but i could
walk into that grove and hold you for a time
we might remember with fondness
i dont know. it seems like it but so what?
i am not your physical ideal so how
could you possibly love me? and why
should i want you to? as filler for void?

don't fall for me
you say. and i believe you.
every time i feel tender i back out
but it's getting harder and harder
to do that. i need to stop. now.


now. don't fill it with hatred
just bring back the caution flag
danger danger will robinson
this is an alien being
proceed with caution.























()8


part of the reason , i know
is that i'd like to over you.
i'd like to be done with waiting
for you to get a clue, waiting for
you to try to heal what can only be healed
with different meds. i dn't believe
you'll ever believe that. the only reason
i did is cuz it worked for me a couple times.


just because you're physical magnets
doesn't mean you're compatible
besides, it's nt that hard totune bodies
into one another.  so why keep holding on
to a feeling that you got one time
with someone who no longer feels that way?
it wn't make it return and the victory
will be short lived and besides victory/
seriously?  that means an opponent
that means war or somethng like that.



let him go let him go god bless him
where ever he may be. you can search
the whole world over you'll never find
another woman like me.

depression

what are you depressed about
everything


i'm giving mylove away
for free, so no one wants it

isn't that enough reason?


oh sure we'll take you money
or your body or your poems
but who wants yourlove?

just keep it for yourself , k?


*








next life i want to come back
blislful. i think i'd like to experience
joy and contentment. so please god
make me an idiot, not a fool, that i am
already . i'd lie a smoke but
it's too much to do. i'd like a drink but
after i write this stentence i'm going back
to bed .

ardent

calabrisio on the causeway
channel number 2 is what you wear
when you're not in town.

they come in pairs or clusters
taurusian horns or plastered cherries
scales or stingers or your last friendship

i was upset about it, till after midnight that nite.
then i breathed a sigh of relief. it's the letting go
that matters now-accumluated in the cracks
of your hand, linty and dark are the secrets
you longed to reveal. to someone. sometime.

bar of soap. smell of cranberries and work.
bucketfull of rasta mon. lite me the bobsled boys
give me an irish accent, a bit o the bloody blarney
that keeps me in line and waiting . these days
my poems always end too soon, but i really

don't believe in dragging out the agony any more
than it needs, to breath in and hold on again.

comet frag hits the sun

long white tail disappears
behind black disc , forefont: niburu ensues


 when you come
up behind me and wrap
your arms around my
waist, something inside vaporizes.

your orbit needs to keep to its ellipse
see you
once every thirty two hundred kalpas.













*









the h.o.t. pink room  empties
slidden to the west.  translucent
curtains hide the best strips of light
with sheer will. where will you go from
here?  imitation is a mismatched goal.


you say "enlightenment"
as if it's a movie. cast your role
in the arms of sci-fi. saviours
are a dime, warriors drawn
and quarters, saints priceless.

you can pull off these masks
and find the vein beneath the words
or you can put on another. plenty of objects
to be. creeping quickly, a parasite

with plans to kill the host, age settles
into your skin. the mirror, your friend,
offers no comfort. i'll give you a pix
of how you seem now, call it a lie.

















()*






but what about me? where do i fit in?
gull slicing the sky. legs open after dark.



i am waiting for sunset, the neons, sunrise
a gladiola, opening. i'm waiting for the rains
and the seed to spring , waiting for a clue
that looks like options and delivery, waiting

for you. yes.



i remember the ocean's whims
in your eyes. the thick bark of bracken and drupe
over the trellis of your brow.




we've known each other in the trillions
of seconds sliding one into the next , a fountaining
coalescent. you are  base and tangle i am skein
before the string.  why do you put yourself in a prison?

reservoir trigger

rain tempt/ shoots
of new leaves. why do
i care if you contact me

it's been winter so long
and the sky just wants to spill
i'm dry as a wrinkle of baja
but i can feel the water start to rise.

i'd forgotten what you are
a when in search of a why
a wren in lieu of a sky

carry on. all is louis armstrong
and a treble note. sun speach
on vanishing skin, a lit panopticonal pool.





*











why all the gaps  ?

leap with me










*






the program stutters its way thru the equation.
it only wants an answer, positive, negative do not
register. answer. answer. answer



*****




























i don't know why i'm not interested
in seeing you. (she knows but isn't saying)
maybe it's that our gods are so different now.
(she cries and forges a thank you note
to the broken water main, post dated for three yrs away
before/after.) the breaks end in lost messages
unmade calls. east coast to west coast come in.
west coast this is richter scale 7.4 are you feeling me yet?


















*