i f i listen hard enough

i find myself doing again.

just because there's good sex
and compatibility and oh
not to forget conversations and well
good times doesn't mean that someone
will love you. strange love
the nut and fruit separate like cashews
eat them individually not meant to be
used together, always.



so i get it. no is a good way
to keep distance. deny yourself
deny what wants to grow because
the soil is poisoned before it begins.
the soil doesnt want this seed or
the seed doesnt' like the soil.

no no no.
practice that for a while .

























()*




oh yeah. and uhmmmm
yeah, no is a headspace
you know intimately.

why do you still question it
expect it to change?
i told you what will be. deal.

you can yes you can no
it won't make a bit of difference.
so. try no for a while.
yes has been very bad for your head.
k?


































*(&













 what's wrong
everything

still it's a wonderful world
























_)(_












i need to push myself on.
no one pull me. this is your hermitage
this is your life. next life get to to
the back of the brain line. maybe they'll run out
before you get any. ignorance is renewable hope.





















)*_




you will go soon.
i can't let myself get used
to doing things for me.

i have been a doorstop along the way
a place to have quiet and freedom
of a sorts. your prison and mine
in our heads. i am not your physical ideal
and you aren't mine but i could
walk into that grove and hold you for a time
we might remember with fondness
i dont know. it seems like it but so what?
i am not your physical ideal so how
could you possibly love me? and why
should i want you to? as filler for void?

don't fall for me
you say. and i believe you.
every time i feel tender i back out
but it's getting harder and harder
to do that. i need to stop. now.


now. don't fill it with hatred
just bring back the caution flag
danger danger will robinson
this is an alien being
proceed with caution.























()8


part of the reason , i know
is that i'd like to over you.
i'd like to be done with waiting
for you to get a clue, waiting for
you to try to heal what can only be healed
with different meds. i dn't believe
you'll ever believe that. the only reason
i did is cuz it worked for me a couple times.


just because you're physical magnets
doesn't mean you're compatible
besides, it's nt that hard totune bodies
into one another.  so why keep holding on
to a feeling that you got one time
with someone who no longer feels that way?
it wn't make it return and the victory
will be short lived and besides victory/
seriously?  that means an opponent
that means war or somethng like that.



let him go let him go god bless him
where ever he may be. you can search
the whole world over you'll never find
another woman like me.