there are 2925 message in my gmail

there is a birthday present for a grand

niece bought a month ago sitting on my bed

waiting to be mailed. her address 

was texted to me last week and i have stamps

my bills are due i haven't written in months

and i feel irrelevant. if this aneurism explodes

it would be fitting. however, ahem. i'm not

quite ready to die. relevance is relative, amirite?

it's more the ache in my bones that leads

to silence. the munch scream contained.

how love it itself is pockmarked by friendly fire. 

yehuda amachi, i want to be able to bring

desert sheepherders into my poems

but i live in  florida. we don't have

eons of cultural animosity to cure

yet we have abandon and sunshine

laws, meth and method and inevitably

a gator will show up as the punchline.

how does one seek commonality here?

look in the Okechobee for answers.

once i begin it's easy enough to spout

keep fingers moving 

down the page

quaff a line. easy to  leave

the bills behind,  drawers cluttered,

belongings scatter, a ring

in the ttoilet. hoarding may be

a manifestation of missing impetus.

save it all, you'll never know when you'll need it.

my honey likes to go to salvation

army stores and save old bowls and dishes.

 from what he 

doesn't know. i tend to

 crack and break my crockery

so to have them in my shelves is pure doom. 

  cracktown is on his way home.

i guess it's cheaper than a nite at the bar but 

ima hafta hold back 

on dropping the overflow on the tile. oops.

i don't have many passions since i gave up writing.

i haven't given her up as much as put her

into the closet. told her i'lll get back soon but

other than a few texts here and there

i pretty much ignore her. and i've had some

innaresting thoughts, i've just been speaking them

outloud. return to the oral roots. lol. right.

so i'm pretty sure she stepped out of the closet

and went elsewhere.

(

ok look one of hte things i need to say

that IS relevant and has the possibility to thornberg

economy. the amazon burns

every year more of it.  it's a war bettween

ranchers and the rainforest. becuase, say the ranchers

how will i send to my kids to university on cocoa beans?

so they grow beef. 

in a green economy, they would be paid to grow trees.

for every seedling x , for every sapling Y, for every mature

adult Z. 

that's it. simple enough. paid for in carbon taxes. beef can 

apparently, be lab grown now. atmosphere cannot.

)

i should pay those bills