tilted to one side

=i love the ritual of the smoke
the inhale, the exhale, visible.


morning rain brings inquisitive look
from ember. her green eyes tranced
by the sound of water on aluminum siding.

it's surprisingly soft, like gramma murmmuring
sweet nothings in your ears.

i stub the cig, i'm cutting down
thanks to electronic miracle vaporizer

i'll save it for later. i allow myself 3-4 a day
doled out by my teenage son, a lesson for him

in addictions.  you slept
on the thirty year old shag carpet on top
of a comforter a thin excercise pad
for a year. the storm grows more violent
the murmurs become the gravel in your voice
the unfairness of the symptoms, the sloth
of the hook. from computer chair to floor
and back again, this is how your life
flowed before i left.

now i c ome to you again
but you don't want a horse again.
the needle in the vein,
a need for the pain. just to know you live.

the roses i bought for mother's day
bloom, carmine velvet bullets of beauty.
they are the color that means
my heart beats for you.

they are my daughter's. i keep them
for her until she's ready for them

i should water the plants. my hip
aches less now than this morning
when the left side kept me tied up
in angst . i thought about out of body
experiences, the epiphany of the release
but i couldn't go there. i'm afraid
i won't come back. if you could get rid
of the pain, even if it meant lack of pleasure...
i dunno, some sleepless mornings
that seems worth it, but i have these flowers
that i've planted, and they like the morning
suns we've spent and will they don't want
me to go too soon. so i deal. pain is an emotion
that has its lessons after you forget it.

time for work.