abortedcountdown reset

gag
why do i keep thinking
that when he says he'll change
that he'll change, that when
he says he'll try, he'll try.

i keep believing it.
but it just doesn't hold water.
right now he's into me to the tune
of 300 bux. i need to just write
that off. he says he's starting
a job soon. time is so relative.
soon for him could mean a couple
of more weeks. by then, i'll know
if i got the home. by then his
lack of concern over any of my concerns
will be so etched into my brain that
i will be relieved when i finally do
get rid of him. cuz i'm going to.

suzi sez he's so cute. looka those
beautiful eyelashes, those perfect ears
that round ass. she snuggled him
all morning loathe to rise
but finally i hadda go to work.

i was hoping while i was there
he'd do the kitchen to show me
he was trying. but no. i come home
and the kitchen looks just like it
did when i fell asleep last nite.

i made the boys clean it
but i'm tired of this shit.
add to that his little exericise in
humiliation on saturday, the
will you ask your friend the dom
to dom me request, the 300 dollahs,
the quitting the dishwasher job before
he had another but after he had spent
every goddam cent i gave him back
on his rent advance, the slow and sloppy
way he looks for a job each and everytime
he looses it, his bullshit outlook
on personal responsiblity, and that
slap in the face the other morning
which he says he was sleep slapping right?

i mean, what the fuck is the matter with me?
i go on lava to bitch men out. i bet
fuck it i bet he went to meet up with that vocalist
and forget about goin to steak n shake.
i'm such a goddamn fool. look, the shower head
can give me everything he's giving me
except snuggles and the pretense of love.
only one of those two things i'll miss
but even that one's getting real old b/c
it's more like a boa constrictor than a lover.

sigh. i think that love is overrated.
i'll give it a 3. what's five he asks?
orgasm. never had a bad one. always a five.


lust over love? well, just keep yr head on.