5.1

yeah so yesterday was the same
and i didn't have time to record
my angst. this was the day
i came home shortly after leaving
for work and found him , light off
rolled over for more sleep. even tho
he was supposed to go to an interview
at noon, and he had, he thought
six miles to walk to get there tho i did
offer to drive him but i was looking for
smokes and i said to him you
are really something else
found my smokes and left.

he called me later at work
asking how i would feel if he
went to live with his mom

silence. i was thinking
and i thought well, ima tell him.
so i did. same old stuff
1)her guilt
1) his abilty to ignore the fact
that he is poverty stricken
2)i will not support him when his money
runs out this time
4( why not just take the money for the next
five weeks and go, now, since
a. the way he looks for a job will not yeild one
b. he's pretty damn picky for poor
c. why delay the inevitable
e. i don't need a child, i need a man.
note
i do not need a man. at one time i did.
now i don't care if all the young boyz
love alice or me. i am over attractive
or not, over willi find love or not


i can't believe when i do, anyway.its
transitory nature is always brought to mind.

but back to this particular convo
which lasted all day mainly bc i
could not stand the fact that he called me
at work
to break up with me
and then he didn't do it.


yaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhh!

at lunch we met up
i showed him a place in this hood
help wanted
we sat in the rental
across the street and argued
about the search, how to go about it
etc. he's all like i listen to your advice
i seek it and i'm all like why don't you
get real? you ignore my advice and consider me
old skool. he's all like i can't give
repect where it's not warranted and i 'm
all like see
you're exactly like them
i gotta get back to work
get out. as i looked in my rearview
i saw him heading back home
away from the help wanted sign.


tried to tell him when he puts no effort
or really, minimal, minimal effort
how that seems to me


that he doesn't
care enough about this relationship
to do his part. i don't think heheard me.
hah, what else is new?


today he didn't leave the house.
said he called a couple places
a couple. good odds dude.

you'l be in va. soon.