Thursday, August 11, 2005

not pissed

so she goes out of that house
down the street where some peeps
she knows have beer, she has a couple
walks the perimeter of the complex
and thinks about this latest developen\ment

mom wants her out of the house
but no one will take her in
not lydia, not amanda, jackie is out
of the question. dad is a distant ghost.

what was that mom said, something about
courtesy? why she wanna be offstandish?

she thinks about the pottery barn on 53.
she could hike there in a few hours. maybe hitch
a ride with the four oclock teamsters on their
way to the rest of the continent.

last time she was there she bought a green cup
with violet spirals in the glaze. it reminded
her somehow of the time she was at church
with spanish guys and thugs, white boys and stoners
regular families even and how everyone was asked
to close their eyes and sing this along and every
one did! they raised their hands to the sky
and felt beyond peace beyond acceptance
some ulitmate connection suddenly feeling the torn
flap of insole in the thugs right sneaker
across the circle, breathing with the abuela's
lungs, looking with her own eyes at all of this
trust
she sticks out a thumb, tentative. no one's
in the parking lot. there's a stack of twenties
with her name on it in the register at the barn. she could
go somewhere. but fuck that, why? why

did she skip skool today why did she start crap she made
her mother cry her brother, crying in each
other's arms just wanting it to stop

does he hate her? her li'l bro? o woah man woman
what are you doing? stops beside a curve
the palm is supplicating. it begs a coconut moon
and a firefly from the evening. some magic
in the twixt of moon and star. that peace

so she goes home. that house. home. she finds
her mom and hugs her. lets the mother speak first
she says i'm sorry i
don't know what got into me

later they understand the lone light
it was tinkerbell's cousin, flitting across
her balcony, looking for a shadow