dear j

it's really tough being here
without you/ when we don't talk
for a couple of days i think
of you falling from a tower
or falling
in love
it can happen so fast
a glance down
eyes blinded your foot slips
your heart bobbles
and you're diving without a net

the mature part of me which should be
the largest part reminds me
not to cling to you. when you're on such
fragile standings i could pull
you down. heavy.

i want to talk to someone tho.
i wish you would have called
but i bet you're sleeping well.

i think
i think i will pretend that you
will not grow out of this love
that i will not feel the pull
of time against it
let it be carried off
before the current
i think i'll pretend
that we are waiting for a new
possibility








until the day you call
me with the bad news or maybe
you'll just write me an email
attach a pix. i can believe in you
as long i feel your hands
and your lips but
oh this doubt. i'm so sorry i have it.
why do i have it.
i know why i have it.


it's too late for you to call now.
i'm lost in one syllable words.
except for that one. lol.

gawd i'm not funny.
i want to not write you for days
see what happens. why do i
give you up every nite
and forget about it when
i hear your voice.

nothing new under the sun.
not a damn thing original
or mold cracking
crackling under the weight
of what we're trying to forge
in our seperate crucibles
these little cubicles, cubic cells
we call life.


i'm falling not you.
despair is a short way down.