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when i move this time i need
to get rid of the ants
in the desk. it's alright
as long as i don't have sugar
but when i have sugar
wow. the tarot.

what does it say about us to day?
we have the high priestess
exalted knowlege, spriritual
revelation. i keep thinking
my chance at that is past
because how i've been reading
the tarot sez if i go with you
spiritual is out of the question.

how silly is that? you are far away
spiritual is how we have to live in each other
most of the dayz. that i chose to believe
you, when our flesh can't touch
is a matter of knowing that your clear eyes
see me, no matter the distance.


i love you.

let's see about me n her.
there's a double thread in our lives
in my life
and that's the one i'll pull.
when j becomes a large intensity
then i'll do 3. or maybe when he
bcums a teen. hhmmm that did not
go like anything i can understand
at this time. creative process...

my own creative process is sad.
it's lost as if it were ever mine.
i read my stuff and wonder if it was
ever any good. based on what some
tell me, it's good. but based on
what i read, it's blech. i used to at least
liked it when i wrote it. now...

well, you know? did a spread on me n poetry
it sez, look, you're good. but if you dn't
put some work into it, it's all gonna fade.

duh. as if i that isn't the way of karma.
work is essential.

ok, gotta try to wake ja.

but i just lughed cuz of course
it would take work to begin to publish
but if i do that so what? a li'l volumne
that few will read and some will envy
but mostly just a churn of the page.

this internet stuff is better
but it still doesn't address the central
desire does it? acceptance of self?

i have a love
that's miles away.

we are separated by the need
to have peace with in our lives.

not that we fight with each other.
no, that's a thing we only do
when the chemicals become too much.

eh, what i crock of s\hirt.

i have a love
that will never love me.

i had a love
that loved someone else

i had a love
that i fell out of.

so tired of writing for love.
that's why i can't write anymore.

my domain is love, that's my planet.
if i reject it. then i have no home.


he 's running a different way.
and maybe towards a vision of what
might have been but i doubt it.
he's running a different way.

i have a love that could read me
daily if he wanted to . he doesn't.
why? he assumes he knows all about me.
this is dangerous to a relationship.

this relationship will most probably fade.
but you know, he loves me now. i love him now.
perhaps this can get me beyond the need
for possession. the ownership i masculine out of me.

i dunno, but my shoulders still hurt
where he grabbed me.
ok, time to wake the j for real now.
after this cigarette.
hey, you aren't done yet?