healing

 Hello?

hello , did i wake you? 

yes but i was just asleep. what's up?

oh i didn't want to wake you-her voice quavers

a sinusy apology-i'll call later

no it's ok, what's up?

no i think it would be better to talk when you're awake

but i'm awake now, it's ok. i won't go back to sleep anyway

she shoulders on, ok it's just that'

i think we should not see each other at brother's shower

i'll just come early, in fact it would probably be best if we

had limited contact until the baby is born.

i guess, if you think that's best, i can do that. what about the grandkids.

i mean , i can;t have you taking them and exposing them 

to your hostile point of view, calling them accidents, mistakes, oopsies.

it's not right.i chose them,i would chose them each again in a minute. 

you discount their existence, calling them accidents.

wow, but honey, everyone i know is an accident, everyone before me

was a surprise at best. when isay that i don't call them mistakes, i do

say i would have chosen differently. but i don;t even go around calling them

anything but honey and sugar and baby and boo, 

but you've said it to me , mom, and you say it to your friends

and your family and anyone who will listen to your tales and i tell you

it discounts my desires as well as their right to an existence and i will not have it.

she sits back and thinks about what's being said. raised in the era of forced birth,

she cannot feel but her daughter does not see the whole picture. women who were not given 

a choice to become moms, raped girls bearing babies, wombs for the patriarchy.. realizes

she's a radical feminist and can't back down. even though she disagrees with the most radical,

doesn't view all sex as rape, exposed to rape culture from an early age, she somewhat

excuses it, with distate, as the game that everyone was forced to play.  now the tables .

now the turns." accidents" seems so innocuouus, the way of the world. her daughter's point,

 she supposes

is that if you keep an accident, then it's a choice , so intentional. surprise!

so, surprise is ok, though?