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that's how it'll be when we get
together again. i woke with a headache
and this feeling of doom.

the downward spiral of depression.
oh baby, why?

why do i keep clinging to you?
why you, to me?
that's the thing we need to heed
the cling cuz we can't/don't want
to move on. if you were
living with me
would be
there would be still
problems. you know? you
haven't even begun to work
on yours. you think
they don't need it.
i think you think that.
if you don't, then why
do you not work onthem?

sigh.
this is difficult
but i've been thru worse
no time of skin in my bed
no sign of love in my head.


at least with you
i have the love.
be it i think it's doomed.
so is life so what?


ima ask specifics cuz you won't.
gawd that was horrifying reminiscent
of my greatest fear
re us

my horrible scope sez
to conclude something today.
the thing that's been hanging
over my head.

we should not try this.
i feel hopeless.
it's 2 am. the least light.

i want to cry but i'm not
gonna. nope. see, i just
think truth is, the way
you are now, i don't want
to live with you.

you continually lose jobs
due to your hubris or carelessness.
i hope you can make it with your
dad. you won't admit you're
an alcoholic. you've been drinking
for what, 5 years now and you won't
admit it. it fux you up. you're
careless of other's feelings
you won't see into them.
you know what you want
and you go for it, damn the consequences.

for me, is it lust? no
i mean i like it that you think
i'm sexy. but is that all?

i am gonna go out with someone else
i think you should do the same.

that's my resolution...i'm gonna go
when i'm bleeding so i won't be jumpin
into any beds. its only been what
a month? i can't stand it. i can't stand
that we have a year ahead of us, possibly 2

cuz i know that ultimately
you're gonna realize that you don't
wanna spend your youth with me.
and i don't want to be your sugah momma
any more. i've already decided that.
you have to have a place when
you come back. you have to have
enough money to take care of yourself.
can you do that?


me, i'm always a day late
with the resolutions. i was
sposed to do this yesterday
tell the whole truth.

but i lll.....

ah fuck.

i love you.
you got under my skin
you're my ken, the thing
the i wish for the albatross
the boss. i want to lie
in your arms i want to lie
to the world if i need to
but i won't lie to you
i love you but i don't need you
i need you but i won't.
can't afford to.
not 20 anymore.

i'm not a youth. i have
middle age concerns.
it makes me tired just
thinking about it.