THE THINGS i don't write down

 are always better than what makes it to paper

i've been too long from the company of writers

i mock the way i was. i can't even see the letters 

as i type this, astigmatism getting old. 

i'm in pain i told the gastrointerologist

every day in at least three regions.

my ass is the worst right now

it's just that time of season

so i've taken to telling the stories

poetry's historically oral

extemporaneously, complaints

i don't have to mask as art. this is just

what's happening in life, that's the knife.

so  daughters family kicked to the curb

not welcome here with us, money piles up

in my account, i use it to house them but really

i should buy buy buy i don't have a clue why.

i guess i'll play that game again,

returement plans dashed, like all of mine.

do not plan.

it will not pan.

i always felt like flotsam on

this river wide and brown

tossed about like applesauce

on pork chops when i'm down

i plan to pull myself together

but i'm eaten all the same

the point is i don't want to be doing

any of this game.

&*&*

it's just too much

and writinng doesn't solve anything

you aree still a dick

your daughter is still a crazy methhead

your grandson is still living with us

and now you want me to raise

a five year old that i did not get to choose

my daughter is still homeless due

to her and her fiance's lack of will do 

any thing to take care of her kids

and they may have covid, they don't know

because when they bugged out

they didn't have a bugout bag ready so all

the paperwork etcetera is still at the house

they lived in when they had money. my money.

i told her don't give that bitch another dime

and i meant it and it's costing costing

but so what i have money in the bank.

i should just use it. but not stupidly

they can come stay herre for another week

and hopefully we can find a place soon.

it's not that easy.

it's not that cheap

but better than living with five more peeps.

goddam, i am stuck here

except i'm not

i could kick him out and break it off.

and i'd rather do that than let my grandkids

live on the street.

so fuck.

writing doesnt change it

or lay it out better

i need to go outside

enjoye the global warmed weather. 

august is the cruelest

it is yet to come.

()()(