clean house femme film fest

 i want oto describe for you 

in eidetic detail the way i am 

inside this world. y sandals' straps

wrap under my arches,  dirty with yesterdays pressure

wash, i have a ten dollar rayon dress 

that is green spring flowers outlining my yes

i do still have them i can see why you'd want to snuggle

like emily and maryann in sense and sensibility it 

bows eversopolitely edward by hugh grantish

to memory. i've binged movies, a 2 day fest 

not tied to any human demand but mine or 

waiting in lines but  doris was the last of them.

an uber femme character i imagine so many women

find themselves parallel parking in our psyche

and what's all this i am woman coming

from mtf trans? my argument is manyfold

but mainly it's about what we are ttrained to emulate.

if we all could just be humans first

the only possessive with no apostrophe is its.

i'm speaking english cus it's the only language i know.

so there's that....

*   

i walked thru a doorr , forgot why i came

the dress , silky  ruffetted empire waist cut

over layers progressively expanding to flounce

 ruffly and swingy. falls at the knee.

e sandals, bed of my feet, are leather upper with man

made paint stained instep separatig from sole. 

i used to ggo barefoot but now my feet

can't take suckly stickers and stones

why go on about the te dollar dress

ten. dollars.  the worth of a woman 

the cost of the femme. i kinda wished my man

would watch these things wtih me. my film fest

of femme. what i've been watching:

sensse and sensibility, hello i'm doris

the subsequent movie, the nanny diaries

 and couple of woody

allen movies i can't recall titles. 

in case you're wonderinng the typos aree my 

keyboard messinng up. particularly on the n.

i need a cig. brb.

8

of course we don't get back to it.

the nieghbors scold their dog in 

spanish. it barks a lot. impelled them

to enclose their screen porch

which gives me more privacy

also the norfolk pine is on a growth spurt

due to coffee grinds and blood meal. .

soon it will fill the backyard 

with much needed shade. probably i'll

be long gone by then, but soon.

what i remember from the woody allen flicks

is the lightinng. and that ubiquitous 20's jazz.

like wtf woody. why the fascination? b/c it was fine

a part of societal norm for the older man younger woman trope?

i mean, can you really cancel someone because they're 

playinng  their role?  one could say snarkily, excelling. 

one did.  and the new york one, set in the sixties or 

seventies, where the woody stand in is a geeky

upper east side trust fund jazz geek. i fell asleep.

not so much cancellinng as bored. 

the girls next door winnd up.

mom left a minute ago. or dad. 

the dysfunctionality feels familiar.

the oldest girl hates mom, screams

god is watching you will burn in hell.

weeks later she taunts the barking dog

and someone reminds her, behind two curtains

that god is watchinng her as well. today 

is relatively quiet, her scorn muted and short. 

i'be stopped wearinng my glasses so much

as they didn't make things clearer and fell

of my head . i am dangerous to glasswear.

*

 ;b

i gotta go clean my house now my head's clear.

we recently painted a few walls and the place looks 

different. a bit shabbier . drums in the back unassembled.

the music has died in this house. i miss it. creative spaces

turn to more mundane and keepinng life togetherr 

endeavors. the body is weary. my days off are few.

i like a clean house, clear windows. no one's gonna do it

but me.