birthday tarot

superstitiously i want the tarot
to tell me more than i think i know.

i smoke inside, turn the phone off
but leave the windows open.
open my mind try to link
consciously with that which is un

she gives me page of swords
a little joke about minds and cutting
to the root of things. i love a scientist
the question was he and i -future?
not flashy like a king we're fine with things
running better, faster, greener
but he does like his H-score.

we're crossed by ten swords
doubt to the second power
i think that's accurate but when
i first saw their cruel blades
i knew betrayal was in the air.
self sabotage is the worst.

my subconscious is full of defeated
victories. i hope his is not but it must
have a hole inside. i can't pretend
this is his story. it's hers. if i read this
uninverted, as the guide tells me to
it means i subconsciously expect victory.
but it's inverted. i like the guide's interpretation
of inversion as something yet to be realised
or something at the end of its influence.
so let me read this positively, that victory
can still be achieved. if victory is what it means.
its wands instead of swords, some comfort, moving
out of the steely mind into the organic heartwood.
and yes it signifies triumph, acclaim. well umm
maybe it's really past time for that but it could
come again, the tree's still alive.
let's move to the conscious.

another inversion, the fool.
a card i always crave because it means
the game's still afoot. and i can
jump in tho the invert may mean
i am too tired to play this anymore.
lol.

next up : the past.
it influences the now so much
it's what you've built
a sum of the interpretations of
 your experiences
that makes you feel the world
the way you do. mine, today
inverted again, is the chariot.
willpower. desire and how it molds
action. more lately,  i have tried to take
a zen way, resistence is futile let
the gods'will rule   i recognise willpower
and the disparate kinds of victories it births.
i've played that game but
 i am weary
that's what the inverstion says.
it says that all is in the past so this lassitude
should you continue, can rule
but now let's look at the future


which is magic. woah.
this position is about the strong
possibilities of the future.
approaching influences
traits to embrace
the card of magic and creativity
so the fool must be joining up
and that makes me smile.


next up, the male distaff.
position seven represents the querent
which is me
and another inversion
the tower.
i have to laugh. i chose these cards
so carefully, doubted my feels
the way the strings vibrated
and shivered a choice.
i am the tower. whether waning
or waxing in influence well
let's see what the guide says
the tower says there will be aprubt
appropriate change. let's see what else
it says on inversion.feel the card. it's about
the energy level. so a reversed tower just means
i have little energy for change.



i looked at the rest of them to finish reading.
 iwanted to know what they all said.

so here is the p oem.



we have so much to offer, so much to tell
but we could bed knives if we wanted.
i'm thinking victories are past, the body winds
down, loses grip on the reigns. the fool
wanders into a rest stop, wonders

how to go on. a little bird, red it was, tells
me how, so i put her song in
 my pocket and stride on.

i have little desire to change the wind
and stars seemed satisfied with the pictures
they make. people, too, have their reasons.
it's about the work i put into
sowing the fruit  
my will, put to magical uses
should the ground hold me up..