dating site blogging

ok, so this ok cupid site has a journal
thingie. and i've been doing expository
writing there.

today i thought, damn, i can't just
delete that profile when i want if i have
all that writing, unsaved to any other place
on it. so, i'll be posting them here as well
and i guess there's a feature over at okc
that'll do that for me. i'ma have to check
it out. but for now, here's the twelve posts
i've already done.

1)
sure i'm not the first

i'll chronicle my interactions on this site.
not specifics of course but just the general experiences and emotional reaction to them.

emotions? do they have those anymore?

i'm pretty sure it's my age that leads to the kind
of reactions i have to the ways i'm approached on this and other dating sites.

to put it succinctly i'm gunshy.


huh huh. she said suc.

yes beavis it did sound that way. which takes me squarely into the realm i'm trying to avoid. i'm a sexual person, but i'm too old to be playing masturbatory cyber games and like a typical woman, i'm wary of one night stands.

and sadly, i feel like most men are gonna look at that statement and wonder wtf i'm doing on here. i often ask myself the same question.

i'm on here cuz the past is the hope of the dead. so living in the current, i find myself to be open to talking to anyone.

too often IMs degenerate into sex talk online. soooo frustrating to me. as a woman and a writer i get nothing from these kinds of chats. too cliche and i'm imaginative enough that i don't need someone on the other end of my masturbatory fantasy. porn is very popular with men, along with football and other blood sports. i'm not into either but can tolerate the former better than the latter within a relationship. . i'm fond of neither when i don't know who you are. and no, a profile is not gonna clue me in.

let me ask you this, men. if you were in a bar and you thought me hot enough to approach, for whatever reason, including a few drinks (so that we can get the insults out of the way up front, i know that i'm not attractive to everyone, but neither are you so shut up) would you whip out your cock and lay it on the barstool? and if you would, would you really expect me to suck it? if you've answered yes to this, please, avoid me. i will stomp my huge stilletto pen right into it, no matter what its size.



of course i'll be dismissed as antisexual or antifun or bring on your anti's i'll raise them by one. then i'll fold. i just expect too much.

perhaps i'll learn how to lower those expectations online.


2)botmatic
the programs are getting better. soon there will be a turing machine for each and everyone of us, with personalized preprogrammed responses for each / and if i'm wrong, if the come ons that seem like bots aren't really that at all, then again, i'm an anachronism in a digital suit.

programmers, the machine still needs work. realtime conversation isn't working like it should and it's not responsive to specific questions. pre programmed responses just don't work well enough on line vs txt msg.


get busy. we need our god machine.


lol

3)

the bot question got me thinking about a trend i've seen in the online dating world in real men's profiles

so many guys lookin for a real woman. now, taking that at a figurative value i've been thinking they mean someone who doesn't wear one mask in one situation and a different mask in another. but what they might mean is they are tired of recieving bot messages as well. also, i know that pros ply these sites, and pimps as well, looking for customers. so, i guess if you've been approached by that kind of behaviour enough, you find yourself beginning to be skeptical and cynical about anyone, but maybe most especially about someone who seems too good to be true.

after all, great expectations are easy to play off of.

so maybe my profile looks like a pro's? i mean it's not the like girl can come out and say hey honey gimmee money.

honestly, i'm not going to change it if that's the case. it's just a excercise in futulity to try to translate yourself onto the page. people read any profile with expectations already engaged so who they see is a piece of a puzzle they're trying to fit into an empty slot in their life. i don't think that's pathetic, only human. but it definitely can skew how you view.


4)
making comments
now i remember why i almost never do that. language is akin to holding a landscape painting in your hands, with which you're trying to communicate solely through the way you angle and move the painting. what you mean to say is clear to you, but the person on the receiving end brings their own interpretation to the message. rarely are they the same thing.

props to scattered frags for the painting metaphor.

5)
ind
open minded can have different connotations on the web. do you notice how language is almost becoming like a signified network, where meanings morph depending on distance and direction from the center/root/nexxus?

i call myself a free thinker. and of course i think i am. but some of these match questions are repetitive and limited. i think there are no real true/false questions or black/white choices when it comes to matters of personal choice, ethics or character. many of them only gave two choices where even 5 might have been insufficient . how sad that nuance is lost to statistical averaging.

6)

losing
"which would you rather lose, the right to bear arms of the right to vote? omg. someone said the right to vote. hello future felon. in gaza they lost the right to have their votes mean anything but they still got the right to bear arms, taken at the point of their guns, and so does the other side, but their guns are bigger and badder and they have more more more more more. you say you want a revolution? i'm glad i'll be dead before the middle of this century.

7)

some common mistakes i make
i guess if i'm going to retain the metaphor of internet dating sites being a bar or some sort of meat market, then i guess emails that are not replied to, or ones that drop off are the equivalent of making eye contact or even "hey can i buy you a drink" and "thanks/no thanks". it's just i never was a bar person. i call myself a dweeb for a reason. if i was at a bar and some guy was trying to catch my eye, i don't think i'd get it. like "whu, you lookin at me?" in fact, that's often been my reaction.

another one is, i suppose, being too defensive. i want to be open, i truly do, but come on, i've had several conversations with bots, an email exchange with a man who said he was honest and straightforward then sent me famous web photos saying he painted them, and of course, the inevitable online booty calls. also an invitation for to be a long term third. i dunno, i'm not that a free a thinker. i get jealous. what can i say, i'm human.

the biggest mistake. lol


7)

i don't know what to put sometimes for "dating category". as mentioned before, language is a minefield and we all bring our prejudices to any interpretation.
my ultimate goal is to have a longterm relationship. but instant relationships suck as much as instant coffee does. so, isn't there a middle ground to walk..somewhere between love at first site and a four year engagement?






of course i don't discount love at first sight. but it very often doesn't work out. we confuse love with lust.





the thing is to nurture love within the lush rush from lust. realize that the little things you're let slide due to the great sex are not gonna seem so little in a few years (if you're lucky) or a few months (if you're typical).





that's why common interests & common tastes can be a good clue . if that hottie you're looking at doesn't really seem to be compatible, interest wise, they probably won't be over a long term.



i'm not saying you have to joined at the hip. in fact, i can think of no better way to ruin a relationship. but if he's really into fishing and you don't even want to watch a hook being baited , you prolly shouldn't even begin to get involved.


if they're christian and you're atheist, it prolly won't work out. if they're bored by poetry and you're a poet, well, don't go there. DAMN, there goes my fantasy of jon stewart. lol.


anyway, the point is, i used to have this attitude of you can never be sure before you meet. but i've learned that indeed, you can be pretty sure about some things. you have to set reasonable boundaries and not let either enthusiastic lust or abject loneliness override them. either way, your judgment can be impaired. remember that long term can only become that in a walk thru time.


8)

big ones vs little ones.
nikki49 wrote this in a comment to my post below on ltr.

"After the haze lifts those small Idiosyncrasies all of a sudden come into play!! They become huge problems once the romantic (Gaga)stage subsides!! The really big ones will doom the relationship,while the little ones can be worked through together!"

so it got me thinking of idiosyncrasies vs. deal breakers. the big ones are easy to spot,like smoker vs. non . it's the small ones that don't change when pointed out that can be blown into the burst balloons. for instance, she's always late. it annoys him, a stickler for appointments. how did they get together in the first place? lust overrides, perhaps increases during, the wait. but a while down the road, her chronic lateness seems to become a weapon she uses to goad him. her behaviour hasn't changed at all, but his perception has.


or he slurps his soup /eats popcorn in handfuls. at first she laughs. boys will be boys. but she wants him to get to some manners. she hints. his resistence is not seen as individuality anymore, but a disrespect of her request. again, behaviour vs. perception.


i'm speaking here of practices of everyday living. if you wear flannel pajamas and your mate wants to sleep in the nude, both of those differences can lead to a perception of judgment from either party or to either party. if you can't tell your lover 'hey, your sleeping in pajamas says to me you don't want sex anymore' and get that issue straightened out, then you stop making advances in bed based on assumptions to which you don't know the real answers. maybe he just likes the feel of pajamas. it makes her feel safe to bundle up in flannels at the end of a stressful day. or just because she vacuums in the nude doesn't mean that she wants sex right now dammit. or he just feels more comfortable writing with no clothes on. etc. (i like to mix genders within the text, it's my compromise to the sexism inherent in english expository writing.)


so anyway nikki49, thanks for the comment and the goad to some more outrospection on these matters of the heart.

9)

do you like meaningless sex?
was the question. only 2 answers. yes or no. is it really that b/w?

give me a definition of meaningless sex. does that mean nsa sex? and if it does, why? i think one can have nsa sex that has meaning. now, maybe the meanings are not the same in each participant, but that doesn't mean it was chaotic or random. each person that comes into any kind of relationship, no matter the duration of the exchange, will provide a meaning for it.

nsa means that. no expectations. you are feeding your animal. you put your mind on hold. you put judgment away.

no expectations. how many of us can ever say we go into meeting someone from these sites with that? even if a profile is on "intimate encounters"(a misnomer of the highest form), expectations abound.

to me, a definition of meaningless would be "i am viewing you as an object. i have no interest in what's inside you. let's just get it on, no words, no exchange of anything, including bodily fluids. no kissing". now, do i enjoy that? nope. did it once, didn't like it. i don't think i'll do that again. but one never knows what life will throw at us, do we?

9)


i am 2 % my own "enemy". wow, is that all? i thought i was waaaaaaay more contradictory than that.


10)

day - 4:17pm
protection
oh let me enter the fray. but here. where i am GoD. lol.

"anti abortion laws protect unborn children." or babies or whatever you want to call a potential life that is not viable on its own.

hey, i understand how the anti choice people are sooo protective of life. the same way so many of them think that society has no obligation to the lives that come into this world, unwanted, because of their moral posturing. "we don't want to pay taxes for WELFARE or social seCURity. that's ..that's socialism!"
but ask them for taxes for war and they're always first in line. i guess that's "protecting life". in hell.
they're so protective of life they want to encourage it to begin in any way possible. unless it's already growing in a crack somewhere, struggling thru concrete and trying to get to a better place where the sun is not clouded by acid rains and the soil isn't toxic, but organic. that's why they also don't want to distribute birth control or the morning after pill (which PREVENTS impregnation) or, their god forbid, talk to their children about sexuality in a non judgmental way. they want to protect the children. which is why they're now raising their children's children to have more children and stay that way. nice. life. what a concept.

i should not go on. the vitriol is beginning to rise.