crying over the past

i can't believe i broke the twelve step
guess i should have prayed to my higher power
which i thought was love. the moon the moon the moon.

so i tell you i'm ok with knowing
what's up with you when you get over
the black breath that chains you
and you rope me back into being your friend
but only because i wanted to know.

curiosity killed the cat. imagine that.
i asked you why you didn't love me yet.
the tarot said a message from far away
would result in a union of worlds
and i thought it meant i had to send it
because i felt far away from you. it was

where i needed to be. the message was from
an old friend, an unanswered passion of youth.
now you're both aged, and she
named a son for you. another regret
you'll have to see through. i guess

i just have to realize what and how
it is that you and i aren't for.
that's love. that's union.

if i read the tarot today
i would not believe her.

but i would. i have to know
as if knowing did me good as if
i believed the knowledge.

i should have stayed on the twelve step.

expectations are the arrows we sting ourselves with.
so she says. might be.