earlier than i wanted

i want to write to the pain
caused by love. but it might feel
like accusation. i'm trying
to not blame you for what i lack
but that doesn't mean i want
to stay in a place that assures it.

when we're together i curb
my words, i take care against wounding
you're so fragile you say. i do this
until i can't anymore and then
i take a hammer and smash you, who would

like to crumble at a slap. ok ok
i don't like being the one who has
to do either. i don't like what i become
shrewish, demanding, pleading
when i don't get what i want from you
which is too often which is all the time so
yeah i'm up, i'm awake, i'm writing
just like everytime i've missed you before
only this time
i won't be back because i left my shell
on the beach and you didn't notice.
bleh.