dear scar

i watch you feeding
the need for privacy
i remember something like this
thin whispers out to the rest
of the world of how you love her
how you will take care
of her despite all that she does
to you. well and so.
this is spel and you have fallen.


love. i make my excuses for it too.
straggling strange what we can endure
under its mask burnt homes broken noses
relapse after relapse. how long til
you can forgive yourself instead of her?
for being young, making mistakes, being
with a lunatic who didn't know how to tell
you what she wanted? o yes, i know
don't touch that. scar. wound. guilt in its
most exquisite moment.

she relapses and you take her child
to the grocery store. how formless
the ways to recovery. you are a dork.
her forgiveness will come slowly.
one day she may even realize what she's done
but don't bet on it.
we rarely do.


dear scar-
i remember when i wanted to love you
and somehow still do. how i wanted
you beyond the man, how i needed your capacity
to love. i found that in another.
he could be your younger brother
a son, a student, a karass moonsoon.
there are problems here
but we work thru them. i'm assuming
that you are too. i hope the narsicism
looking in the lake helps
you and her transform into one
overlapped and blended. but to be frank
i don't carry a whole lot of hope.
i believe it will be like my marriage
one on tiptoes one with the whip.
tiptoes so the bottom of the feet can be reached.


just went to visit an old flame
the embers still flow but
ash has consumed glow
what a lovely boy they have
and it is only right i remember
his sucking need when we met
and mine fire licking up to embrace
the offer of wax. candle pop
but even then he knew
what ideal was, was not me.
yet, fall he did. stumbled i suppose.

no spel. just a spell. a respite
a regroup. eh, enough about that.
whatever. i continue to be glad
that both of them, our exes
got what they wanted. they deserved it
didn't they? when i was inventing
their future, i gave them a girl.
this boy is cute enough to be one.


sykick in training.



listen scar, i always knew
you outclassed me. what you
wanted and what i could possibly
be was not a mix. but still
i love you. your poetry
your sense of the world
as aflame in your skin.
how can i love you and him
at the same time? from afar.

when a scorpion loves
it is embrasure on the stinger's edge.
tail wrapped oblivion. one
into the other, the pierce.


all best
l


dear j

walter told me you were the first
person thru his door. how comes it to be
we could meet there. more than passing
strange this series of coincidences
that threw us on each other.


what will tear us apart is the slow
drain of desire. not tear, too strong.
we will fade out. you will want to do
things i will not want to do.
it's taking a lot of restraint
to not ask you what happened at beverly's.
she put doubt in my head. and i want
to know cuz i'm a cat. i know you're a dog
but i want confirmation. i mean
we were done. whatever happened there
is not a big deal. still i'd like to
scrape that nail the length of my arm.
all the way downthe blue vein.
add to the effluvia, weakerling.

ah who cares i say
who cares indeed.
odd that you haven't called me today.

or will we be like ok
you had one, now one for me
or hey let's have an orgy and all
join in. see, if i hadn't been
through a lot of this before
we could discover it together
work thru it all but i know
a lot i can't forget. it's my sister's
birthday today. the dead one.
she's still dead.


i'm going to clean today.
sweep, dust, shine.
wash fold store.
i wish i could throw
you baby out
with my bathwater.
find another.
i don't know that you
that we
are very healthy.
but what the fuck does that mean?
i know in many ways
you allow me to see things i forget.
in many ways you mess with me
unconscionably.

this is love.
i'm supposing.
i really don't know.

l
l