slumbering into chrysanthemum
dear j ,
well your horrible scope
told me you wouldn't call today
and voila, you dont.
what is it about wednesday?
the umbilical phone
you know i like to believe
you love me like i'll never be loved again.
and when i hold you or talk to you
i feel the same. but.
when you don't call?
i fall into the dial tone abyss.
*
happened suddenly
you know just like a drop
hit the pond. the ripples out
the smudging updraft. if i write
long enough i can rid the long longing.
habits and novelites. novelties.
novitiates in the art of it. the parting shit
the itchy bit. bitch that i am, a wandering spam
will spin me out and about you're a lout
i want someone to let me be crazy. i think i could
go there. but who the fuck wants to deal with a crazy?
would you take care of me then, my skin?
you stress at the slightest mess. maybe you're
sleeping and creeping into some new bed head.
you've cut your hair on a dare and now you're new
knew that newly mint, meant to be a delectable dint
a delerious stint and shuddery vent for my senses and stent.
my heart needs a valve. one i can control
here's a secret. i kept your thank you notes
the ones written i ws sposed to send. an ingartable gratitudeless
propagation on the nation that was spent to rent
like sappho and boffo the cycles contiune, endless
kindless and stillman and stenko.
the scope said you'd slight a loved one.
said don't do it. but you did. eh, so what?
i love you anyway. stupidly. sothat when you do
your unthinkable
again
and i let you get away with hit
again
and i let you use me like i want to be wasted
on the nothing we can be
again
so that future immolates and hops beyond
this time i was not supposed ot live
i had myself thot dead years ago.
not suicidal. i figgered life would take care of death for me.
but it hasn't come. you always kill yourself too late.
i'm a coward. i'm not. i'm just still.. excited about what might happen.
like how deeply will i fall in love with you
and how badly will it hurt when you begin to love
another? we begin to treat each other with disdain
not reverence. that's when it needs to end. i revere
you. you revere me. now. now is all we have. future
is a construct. we are the animal
which promises. what am i hiding from myself ?
what the tarot sex. sez. sex huh? is this all
about sex? are you my boy toy? i think not.
and all you can say to me is
i love you. when you fall out of that
what will i be to you?
an old hag whom you will not understand how
you ever loved. you believe you cannot tell me
how you really feel. i say to you, please
tell me now. let's see what it is that flaws this iron skin.
dear justin cmb....
dear dear justin.
i have not written a love poem
so let me do the peace march
on the front lines in a fight
the power tshirt, anarchist hair, innocencia face
eyes i have longed to possess hey see
that dude there? holding the here's yr mandate sign
i fuck him periodically. you there in the purple now
shirt, you blonde and skinny right next
to that boy you smile at you know he's mine, right?
the way his face lights up and eyes
me sexy. he converts me to beauty and back
from the black. he likes to mmm and oo and then we go
and i love him. you know there are some
who can fuck around sex outside the thing but when we karmic
the tantra, tao the wow, it feels good we waited til now.
the very fact that i am ready to embrace us
when it's 100 miles away the very idea that i want
to wait 1000 hours away
and parse us out these scant hours at time
proves that what i want is
for my convienence. but you assure me
you want to call me. you adore coming
home to daddy's house every nite
being in that family home
which so mirrors ours that it's beginning to scare you.
what about her. that hot blonde that rubs against you
in the protest. exchanging looks with her girlfren.
you lookin at me? see they aren't all vapid. there's
even 21 yr olds you can love.
i'm so very tired all the time. you deserve more.
than this sagging skin, this ennuied point of view.
these gray hairs and colitis, the certainty of my demise.
you have so many years find someone who can give you love
undivided. lol, i keep forgetting that you can do all that
when you're in your own forties. i feel like
if i'm lucky, i'll have you till you're 30 / mine.
and if you're lucky you'll have me till i'm way past prime.
well your horrible scope
told me you wouldn't call today
and voila, you dont.
what is it about wednesday?
the umbilical phone
you know i like to believe
you love me like i'll never be loved again.
and when i hold you or talk to you
i feel the same. but.
when you don't call?
i fall into the dial tone abyss.
*
happened suddenly
you know just like a drop
hit the pond. the ripples out
the smudging updraft. if i write
long enough i can rid the long longing.
habits and novelites. novelties.
novitiates in the art of it. the parting shit
the itchy bit. bitch that i am, a wandering spam
will spin me out and about you're a lout
i want someone to let me be crazy. i think i could
go there. but who the fuck wants to deal with a crazy?
would you take care of me then, my skin?
you stress at the slightest mess. maybe you're
sleeping and creeping into some new bed head.
you've cut your hair on a dare and now you're new
knew that newly mint, meant to be a delectable dint
a delerious stint and shuddery vent for my senses and stent.
my heart needs a valve. one i can control
here's a secret. i kept your thank you notes
the ones written i ws sposed to send. an ingartable gratitudeless
propagation on the nation that was spent to rent
like sappho and boffo the cycles contiune, endless
kindless and stillman and stenko.
the scope said you'd slight a loved one.
said don't do it. but you did. eh, so what?
i love you anyway. stupidly. sothat when you do
your unthinkable
again
and i let you get away with hit
again
and i let you use me like i want to be wasted
on the nothing we can be
again
so that future immolates and hops beyond
this time i was not supposed ot live
i had myself thot dead years ago.
not suicidal. i figgered life would take care of death for me.
but it hasn't come. you always kill yourself too late.
i'm a coward. i'm not. i'm just still.. excited about what might happen.
like how deeply will i fall in love with you
and how badly will it hurt when you begin to love
another? we begin to treat each other with disdain
not reverence. that's when it needs to end. i revere
you. you revere me. now. now is all we have. future
is a construct. we are the animal
which promises. what am i hiding from myself ?
what the tarot sex. sez. sex huh? is this all
about sex? are you my boy toy? i think not.
and all you can say to me is
i love you. when you fall out of that
what will i be to you?
an old hag whom you will not understand how
you ever loved. you believe you cannot tell me
how you really feel. i say to you, please
tell me now. let's see what it is that flaws this iron skin.
dear justin cmb....
dear dear justin.
i have not written a love poem
so let me do the peace march
on the front lines in a fight
the power tshirt, anarchist hair, innocencia face
eyes i have longed to possess hey see
that dude there? holding the here's yr mandate sign
i fuck him periodically. you there in the purple now
shirt, you blonde and skinny right next
to that boy you smile at you know he's mine, right?
the way his face lights up and eyes
me sexy. he converts me to beauty and back
from the black. he likes to mmm and oo and then we go
and i love him. you know there are some
who can fuck around sex outside the thing but when we karmic
the tantra, tao the wow, it feels good we waited til now.
the very fact that i am ready to embrace us
when it's 100 miles away the very idea that i want
to wait 1000 hours away
and parse us out these scant hours at time
proves that what i want is
for my convienence. but you assure me
you want to call me. you adore coming
home to daddy's house every nite
being in that family home
which so mirrors ours that it's beginning to scare you.
what about her. that hot blonde that rubs against you
in the protest. exchanging looks with her girlfren.
you lookin at me? see they aren't all vapid. there's
even 21 yr olds you can love.
i'm so very tired all the time. you deserve more.
than this sagging skin, this ennuied point of view.
these gray hairs and colitis, the certainty of my demise.
you have so many years find someone who can give you love
undivided. lol, i keep forgetting that you can do all that
when you're in your own forties. i feel like
if i'm lucky, i'll have you till you're 30 / mine.
and if you're lucky you'll have me till i'm way past prime.
posted by hiccup at 10:03 PM
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