lone

it's so difficult
believing you
but if you did the same
to me, i'd be pissed
how do you put up with this?

you have never given me reason
to disbelieve your love
even when


he's in the pool with head
buried between legs not mine
but i never believed you don't love me
it's just i can't take this
infidelity. the tarot sez
we're stagnated.
the horrorskope sez, dont' look
at your relationship right now.
what relationship?


i want to be infidelity.
i want to have your love
and eat some cake i want
to go out and flirt but not fuck
that is sick. help me with this















***



i should just say it's over
but that wouldn't work
you would go ballistic
i know it'll have to be
that you leave me.

i'm trapped and i can't stand it.
between you and her.
i want you both to be better.
i want to be better.
she takes a cigarette
then disappears.
it's still my fault she's not in skool
as if!









()()(




i know you come home every nite
and call me. i can't stand
not beingable to call you
waiting, waiting. i have a headache.


yr beautiful, that's for sure.
true, rare. fly away. soul, heart.
home. how can it be with you.
that would be too much for me to deserve.
even tually give you away.
scared. fall. through. nadir. bird.
i don't know. indeterminancy. i have to find
some way to feel bad. must be the booze.








***
]



how erudite the mews.
i watch the town fall away.
opiate on a half shot.
oxycotin withdrawal.
i live in a tent. what do we
want this to be? memories
and we;ll never be the same.
hobo in a body bag. katrina...
icy sand blows up. clouds curl
and vortex. this is the sound
of tomorrow. we'll never be different.








easy to fall


jamie's at the bar
but she's got tables to wait
it's not even her job. eyeliner
in a smooth stroke. hair is perfect.
the navel ring doesn't match
the nipple ring. have to change i feel
fat today, this top
doesn't do it for me and it's 6 hours
of a round of magaritas for the dykes
with the gray hair, two coronas and a rum
runner for the underage table, bring me
the artichoke dip, the all u can eat crab
legs no one wants
a mai tai and they made me train a week
on that drink
alone. the dreams
in which i'm flying
i find it hard to tell. mad world.
you don't get something
for nuthing. remember how to write.
how to be there, in the midst of gone.



what we had last time you left





after the celebration sushi
and sake he takes her home
to the tent. they are all over
the bed, sheets draped on a futon
lose the film, harder, sweet
collapse into skinless.



they wake to typing
a furious silence.
a jet rolls over. the cat
scratches,wanting to fight. less
of what they say, how can it feel
this right? the bus comes
at 830. snatches of almost there.
connexion growing watery
like new orleans after katrina
where the fingers of the dead
wave aloha to the mississippi.
how can it feel this wrong.

the incohate desire for all of it.










.....



the guitar slashes
like an underwater knife.
there's something inevitable
about drowning. we got a war
to fight. never find our way
regardless of what they say.
water pools along the boulevard
a posse with tha bling moment
invading the french quarter
with swirling celophane and cotton
camel filters, fiberglass insulation
pinking violent on the button
posters advertising mars volta
a burning man meme spreads
along the levee, gone in a day.
it was like a psychic slap
when the body bags arrived.

janis sings janus on the bayou.
she wears a red bandanna. cotton's high.
the holding fish plays guitar
the year is last century
can't believe she lives. still.
they promised her a turtle mound
and a place in the rock n roll hallofame.
instead she's playing this dive
where the vampire wannabes chatter over zima
an appetizer of coconut shrimp, skewered
served on pineapple sits on her piano.
she decides it's a good thing
she stopped playing. left justified.
takes to the sky. the frog's guitar follows.
don't you cry.



we drive from orlando to tampa
without windsheild wipers
his hair os red. his name is kenny
we've fucked but
he has a girlfriend. we're going to see
a poet about a lover. i want to be a groupie.


losing for so long.
in the crowd, i move up, he
stays back. i keep moving on.
we don't kiss . we don't fuck.
we don't see each other again
unless you count friday nites
when i work behind the counter
and he rolls too tall
on the skating rink floor.
he won't even get a coke to drink.

i take the change. sing a jackson
browne song. look for another way
to risk my reputation.