b

so my dad calls me tonight
about the girl to inform me
that she is my responsiblity
and it took me 25 minutes
before i could ask him
if she could stay with him he was ready
to put her in a state run institution
i said all they got is jail
in this state.

she needs help it's a cry
for help. i know it. duh she's
been suicidal in the victim sense
tells me she wants to be murdered
so that i have to identify her bruised
broken body at the morgue.


spite never cured anything


tell you what jenni
tell you what, i'll loan you mine.

it's a cry for help
you never loved me you never cared
beat me over the head again and again
what ghost is that which haunts you

this is me she says
love me this way
or not at all

when i was 15 sent to baby
sit and work in a fruit stand
in new jersey. near atlantic city
with my aunt, uncle her baby.

i took the baby ok
and her car
leart to smoke pot

it wasn't a choice
it was what my parents made me do.

what if i don't give her
the choice. go live with your aunt.
go live with your gramps.

no more villages to help this child.
you are not unlovable
no matter how hard you try.

the problem is
i always tell you secrets
the mystery unravelled
you have to make new ones
create them from rumors and misunderstandings

why will u chose to make me hurt this boy?
what has he done to you?

mom, you never tell me no
you never tell me i'm worthy of more
you say whatever
i please

o please
make me stop.

your head is not on straight.
you're not in bed?
get in bed.
stay there. deal with it.

how much fire do you need
to create a blister? soothing water
and an unfrilered frillery

he's just as happy your gone
me too. i'm not corercing the mistakes
they just flow like this unbidden

you're. not your.

i would love to have you live with me in peace
why isn't that possible?

why must your live
be a tragedy

?


why do invite chaos. why not just
close it off? all of it. sit in my room
and watch tv? let them take everything away
let it run into the void. the words
repat and repeat to the sominix void
this is the path of no desire this deep ression


karla called, is she there? no honey
she's at amanda's. also your red headed feind
is back. he dies his hair back black all gothy
and fuckin you. he's cooked his last brew
as free man. when they catch him
he's gone.

pssst. he's just on the hurting side
he's just a child too
for all his bravado and expertise
where does the braggart reside
put away your known reactions
listen to what the workd world mettles.

there are difficulites with your name.
slow the pottery down so we can recarve it.

everyone thinks you are in danger
of becoming a braggart.
your arrogance needs a peg off.
i realize it's bravadishly falsetto
but it can be annoying. especially when you drool.

listen babes. i can love you.
but i dn't have to.

i have to love her. well so she things
with words at my head, linging slings
and arrows, fletche the french
say, a li'l edge to draw blood.

how far will love go she want to know
where is the graveyard of memories
she doesnt' really want to blade her kin
her own skin seperates so easily
wide eyed trance. what can i do?
read up on the benefits package
see if a pill or some dormitory time
might become a cure. girl, interrupted.
they don't have them no more.
no more petty institutions to wig out in.
these days you gotta do it on the street
on around a pole. holding a sign
in front of hedo if the bod's got it goin on
which mine doesn't you know?
but there are the fetish sites.


girl interfukked
thing is she sees the duck
then she looks in the mirror. another duck.
she knows ducks don't become
swans no matter how many faery tales
mom force fed her at bedtime.

what she doesnt know is that she's
not a bird. therefore she might
don a mask and wear it.


**

and lissen you
i saw those poems
about her sweaters and her big
sacrifice -your love= t's like
camilla and charles, if charles
were andrew maybe.

she was right. you were too young.
she already had enough\ children.



*****















dial in for drama

yes, if you dn't have enough
in your life or if you wish
to feel better about your own choices
compare yrself to us.


1) middle aged woman with 2 kids
a dog, several cats and a faithful husband
nice suburban 4 br home with pool on 1/2 acre

2) begins wrting poetry

3) finds internet poetry sites

4)falls in love with man she's never seen

5) sees him, falls in love more

6)amkes plans to meet

7)lies to husband, spends weekdays sneaking around

8)husband confronts she confesses

9)counseling doesnt' work. she is in love with another man.

10) separates. husband goes crazy. has ptss.

11) tells kids mom doesn't want them.

12) all lies she tells kids. i want you . not him.

13)divorces. gives up house. but not kids.

14) daughter is 12. begins to smoke pot. act out.

15)lives with dad then mom then dad. plays off their craziness.
to get what whe wants. attention. give it to me.

18)but mother always fucking other man.

16) other man leaves woman after 18 months.

17)woman very depressed. she loved that man. kids don't understand.

17a)daughter falls in love at 15. boy too. puppy love. it quickly turns
hot and heavy. mom lets them nap togother and then of course..

19(woman recovers. daughter almost happy but school sux and she is fat
and there's all these troubles with her father & his gf and

19a )girls earthwhile friend moves in then

20) woman meets anther man who is only a boy

21) not too much older than daughter. but legal. let's not rob a cradle.

22- but she does. becuz she believes in love meanwhile

23 99 daughtr finds it all exasperating and anyway takes away
from her time. bc

349 mom lets the boy move in. as if . which is ok for a while
but then it gets squirrely cuz moms is the only one supporting

34 cuz the father doesnt pay child support and the bf
keeps losing his stupid jobs and she gotta get up in the morning when

35 her friend just stays in bed she's failed skool so often
kicked from house to house so she begins to turn off the breaker
in the moring and miss the buss fighting with mom and bf and friend

47 even and father of course she will only see him every other weekend

48 one weekend gets arrested for shoplifting which she turns into felonies

40 and bf breaks it off with her right before skool begins father looses house

4444 she turns 16, has drinking party but still not out of the woods
hs to do community service . woman's car is almost dead. how will she buy
a new one how will she get to the services? but does and does ok in skool

21 gets off the felonies. father never speaks to her again.

23 meanshile it's too ridiculous this thing between the boy and the mother
embarrassing her all the while, and he still can't keep[ a job. mother gets
a newer car at last

24 THEN he burns down the apartment. the boyfriend. loeses job again

25 father approached for child support. doesn't pay.

28. girl quits school. enrolls in internet school.
quits that. gets a job in a week.bf looses another job


29 bf begins to work where girl works. she can't stand him.
then he tells everyone about her mom. and him. she quits

30 mom kicks girl out of house for quitting job.

31 where is son in all this? boucning between the houses. father
concentrates on him, takes him to horse ranch 2x per week. refuses
to speak to daughter.

32. mother kicks daughter out of house.
father won't even let her in.
mother says 5 terms and conditions.
she says no.

33 there is a lot of anger still floating out here
why? what can i do to stop this?
giving in hasn't worked
fighting hasn't worked
i dunno what to do

giving up
sometimes that works.