so i'm trying to remember
that this is a different thing
us but
it feels so resonant and you
got me used to you being
there calling me everyday like
you couldn't stand to be away from me
smothering me with your need
but now you aren't needy as that
and when you don't call i feel us falling flat
against the end of desire.

\\\\


so yeah ok you were at the bar
last nite. i wonder if you'll be there again
throw up on my toilet leave the stains
like you did today. i catch the pints of roaches
you leave scatterd around the room
in order to drink you wiht them. i see
you're smoking again empty
packs and a wet bathing suit. i keep
expecting her to turn up at the pool
her.
you know.
her
the one you don't know yet
the one who will open your eyes.
makes me sad to think that because
i spent all those years with him
that he is the only that will lovehate me
till i die. and after. and after that yeah.

when you said annoyed
i called i pointed out
i called not you and you were like yeh so?
why do i want you to go?
cuz the suspense of time is killing me
he told me a li'l uncertainty might be good for me
but i think it just turns me into a lunatic.