little orange plus t

kinda done with the game

dear a's dad,

i mean you broke my heart

but i say that a lot.

i always say that. wow

my heart is resiliant i guess.

but i'm done, put it in a box

we got a key and it's under the mat

somewhere in tokyo and covered in covid.

it's not that you say i'm a bitch i mean

scientifically i was, i guess, and it's not like

i didn't want to say it, been itchin to say it 

since she took to the road.k, maybe i want

to play the bitch on tv cuz  no one who's talkin

to her is tryna get her to see it.

stop playin the wounded chile.

you gotta pull out a bit o crazy a

to survive. she don't cry

for no body. i know good

intentions is a hell in itself

so honestly i'm not better than you

girl, i just learned my lessons

faster. that's what happens

when life hits you. didn't have

my knight in armour to save me

when i needed to cray cray

so i couldn't. k. didn't . couldn't.

literally, no psychosis, just

sweeet delusion as i stroll thru

the valley of lu uh uh uv. 

so yeah, crazy get it done.

crazy go to work, save the money.

crazy keep her mouth shut

just to tune them out in the future. 

don't pretend you like me, crazee.

i won't pretend i'm sorry for you.

you made the choices. now you 

gotta live with them.

and dr a's dad

that's what i'm tellin you

cuz you make the choice

to withdraw cuz all you

want is a li'l peace and for me

to leave you alone

please just don;t sleep in my bed.

i mean i don't like to have to pretend it

doesn't bother me, doesn't 

make my endothelials crawl

worse than the rona. 

so i mean the immediate sense

of betrayal i felt from her

to call me a bitch. when i've

been (boo hoo) nothing 

but good to her i've supported her

side i've advocated for her

like a trumpster i've defended

her honor and not listened

to them when they spoke ill

though-whole truth time+

did not jump in to stop them 

because, well, it was

the truth. but oh my li'l 

drop of toxicity how you make

the heart go boom

i noticed crazy a

likes me better than sane a

and i think i'ts cuz

she got the daddy complex

multiplied by the wakening

and a wicked witch. you know

her the one

that told the truth at the christening,

listen, your parents don't love 

each other. go to sleep 

and don't wake up 

till they're dead.

a long 

time.

**

i am debating wether or not

to light a cigarette in the kitchen

which already stinks of bruzzels sprouts

salami and balsamic vinegar. she has

put a dent in the actual food

you guys bought when she got out of jail,

something besides eating both packs 

of ice cream and the coconut dark chocklate

covered almonds. she did leave your 

chocolate bar intact and it 

broke my heart 

\that you went 

#1 shopping

since you haven't had to energy to go with me

since before quarantine and 

2 didn't get any of my favorite sweets except

the one kind of cookie she likes too and then 

she opened that. i mean, as long as we're

being petty, and oh i know

i am because dinner tonight still lingers

in the air and it's the scent of crazy

atteempting to excuse herself

and you bring up the kid while i eat

half roasted brussels sprouts

doused in balsamic glaze over

penne pasta tossed with sliced

mini salami and some kinda we gotta

do something with this chicken thing

to which you add going bad sALSA

at least it's what you make

mr a's dad think because i said

i thought it was better

because i like the salsa taste

better than the balsamic

which permeates the air still

even though you are gone

and he is lying on my bed

asleep and now i have to go 

in there and pretend like it

doesn't make my skin crawl because

your shit is all over the guest bed

and he is snoring.

i'm sure he's glad i left him alone.

mr. a's dad. 

so yeah, i do think i'll have

a cigarette in the kitchen after all.

so yeah, she left her mess

for someone else to clean up 

again and i'm done with her.

and you just keep saying you'll leave.

so i mean, you know, just

go. i don't think you can break my heart

anymore so it's time .