airport

k so yeah, it's like i'm tryin g to get a drink before the plane leaves but the server already has a tude so i prolly won't be able to get it. damn. i could use it. security stopped me . twice. the first time i read the rules wrong and packed full sized lotions in my carry on. i could throw them away or check the bag. i checked the bag. thank god i arrived 2 hours early because i had to spend ten minutes charging my phone since the boarding pass is online, then the second time through the gate the pass wouldn't scan. "that's funny, does it expire? " no, just lighten the screen some, please. so- out of line to do that because i really only have use of one hand since i'm carrying a huge ysl bag with very heavy neice/nephew presents (oh why didn't i pack them, and carry on clothes?} and yay! third time's charmed. so then i know the drill at security. empty your pockets, take off jewelry- yes that opal too- laptop in a seperate container, take off your shoes and step into the microwave. everything's going better this time but no, i'm stopped because of a groin anomaly. a what?! the female security officer says this means i have to pat you down. (i got waved in order to avoid full body contact..wtf?) i'm going to run my fingers inside your belt line, then pat you down around your groin area and all the way down the legs.
ok.
do you want to do this in private or is here ok.
ummm, private please. so wierd because i was through here a bit ago then had to go check my bag and i passed then...
well i have to get another female security officer here.
ok.
so she arrives and i explain how i passed not half an hour ago and she says well, can we scan her again.
i look hopefully at security guard 1.
no..oo...
oh can we please scan again, i mean maybe i'm sweating and got wet or even peed myself and that's why it's going off?
yes, let's scan again, harry, let this woman back in there. listen just pull up your pants tight and go bac in there.
yes, yay!

and i got the green light this time.

thank you so much for scanning me again anonymous security woman, i am green . the safe color.