butterfly bone lament

can you please tell me why it is i can see you so clearly
when you cannot see me at all? am i then a ghost? wanted

to tell you
that i still love you the kind
of way that drove me to your place
with a coconut and a plea
the way your hand lay on my shoulder
like a promise
i had to stop believing

wanted to be
the heart in your palm
leftover after after you threw the rock
into the sea. the hard place
always ahead of you, i wanted to be
the pillow you rest with, i wanted to be
the light in the window, all yellow.


i hate that i can picture you, on our causeway your cause
way my cause way the causality effect of ownership



i hate that i can picture the expression on your face
as you bend for the rock, and grasp it your hand
close your eyes, strong nose pointed to the sea
sniffing memories like shells rolling in the surf
breaking up, making the sound of wind and string i hate
that i see you pour your anguish into the rock
your hatred, your desire to let goooo
also the way i see
your eyes open, your yes succeed, the windup

the arm pulled back , thrown foward the arc of your back
the arc of  the rock headed far into the blue sky channel
your eyes search the surf to make sure it
drowned, lost, just another rock among the debris
of honeymoon causeway, just another story, tossed
and thrown away. i hate that i am part of that story
that i am old and past and watching you
now, as clearly as if i'd been there,
say goodbye to love.