prolly x post

simple
Unregistered User
(7/23/06 11:03 am)
Reply | Edit | Del All reality before he wakes he says i wish
you wouldn't leave the blinds open
we live on the ground floor.
let em peek, she says . give em a thrill.
i like to have natural light in the room
i like it dim
so when i'm not home you can close em
i pay extra for the view of the pond and dammit
i'ma see it.
why did you chose this side anyway?
no choice in the matter, they said this was it
and i moved in. two months free rent.
well, i like it dim.
and i like the sun.




*

yesterday's passions forgotten
every morning a reincarnation

i hold onto patterns that are familiar
those of which i've made sense.

take this paper cutout in the shape of a leaf.
it's not a leaf. my son made it in art class

in kindergarten. today i place it the chest
of drawers my grandmother left me before

she died. we're moving again, this time
as owners, less itenerant. the paper leaf

is colored in swirls and non repeating geometric
shapes which are not solid, but broken into vari colored

lines much like how the line on a tv
screen crosses bottom to top to form

a solid looking representation of life. i tell him
i have always loved this leaf. he says i know!

you always put it on the wall where ever we go.
you know mom they wanted me to make it all

one color but i was like no way! this
is art & i get to use my imagination.














*






he says my 19 year old self would kill
my 21 year old self.

she says your 19 year old self would kill
himself.
















*


she says i don't understand the will to suicide.
maybe it was the chemicals you guys were
exposed to or maybe it 's genetix, gene tricks, but here
have a toke and it'll be better.

he says if i am just an ant then fuck you god
if i am just that then why live? for the species?
i hate human beings. love human beings.

she says, well at least yr still passionate.
she is always wry when he gets flamed.
that or silent. she wonders if he notices.
she says, and when you put it that way
i guess i can see where will comes in.
still it comes off being petulant more than painful.

of course you can kill yourself. that choice
is the one thing you have. if you have the courage
to face that crossing. occum's pain. do it right
and it's over. do it wrong and it's back to the veil.

he doesn't like the way she puts it. predisposed
to argue he says but is it courage? and how
do you know the pain ends?

let's assume hell. constant pain is no pain. constant
anything is a null sensation. this is why my pinched
nerve in the neck rarely hurts anymore. met a man
once who told me he liked the feel of a bamboo cain
on his ass because with it he could experience the sensation
of relief. his back was injured in an auto accident
five years ago and it's been background radiation now
for two. can't feel anything less strong than something
that hurts more. it's tuff to find people that'll do this
he says as the bamboo whistles in the wind she's
making with a downstroke. if i had killed myself at my
worst time, i'd never have understood that.


courage or cowardice? he says.
by the common definition she says
it's courage. by mine, it's a cowards way out.
but then, i'm a common man.














*


you are fast asleep turned
toward the wall, nude. the curve
of your ass is ruebenesque, the dark
line which forms between your legs
v's like a tree limb i would climb
to see the sky. come back
you whisper, soundlessly. like wind
across an open plain, i slip into the sheets.