roof without walls

so, ummm, yes
that's what it feels like
i'm this overhanging protection
with no basal support.

think levitating pyramid.

what i'd like to see:
u, losing weight, not getting
fat on my food.

i become resentment, squared.
no, i'm sorry the sex
will not make up for it.

then i also know it won't matter
if i break it off and start it up.
you are all the same. not him.


even he is not him. it's gone,
my capacity to love in bliss.

wut i did 2 day.
chatted up a guy on lava
about his desires n such. found
out that yes, like so many of us
he just wants the different
couched in the familiar.or um, vv.

read fifty blogs. at least. an article or 2
still not fed. still feeling loose and
disassociated. i miss my community.
i miss ppl loving what i write, loving me
for me. knowing me and lvoing me. but u know
they didn't really know me at all.

there were pix in their heads of who
i am. and they are close, but anyone
who wants to classify me as saint
is poorly deluded. and NOT by me
i hope. i think. i didn't DO it!

come on. i broke up a home. unhappy?
so? it was a home. my girls not
going to fit into society...i doubt
my boy will either. lol. funny thing is
i don't care. society doesn't deserve
to be fit into.

and what's this taking on a baby lover?
trying to help him become a man.
he thinks he's a warrior. maybe he is.
but i don't cotton to war. i avoid it.

ok, i need to go there. same old same.
leeching me. last nite he says she fed
the rest of the roast to richard
and i said, what is that to concern you?
he was non plussed. well, i cooked it.
trivial i sez.
i bought it.

i have a new analog for his continued
exploitation of this situation.
"taking the biggest piece of steak"
you know what? i don't care if no one
else wanted it. that's not what you serve
yourself when you are the nonpaying
on sufferance boyfriend. and i don't
like your tone of voice with my son.
what is my problem? you love me? you might
kill yourself if i kick you out? someone
has to give you a break? well, i'm
about broke out. i think you might be
my new years resolution. and then i'll
thank you for curing me of young men.
which then means i am cured of men?
one can wish....

lol, no way. i still lava. but you know
i could lava with ease now...be hard
as cherry lipstick. i once looked for love
there. but no more. i'd look for dates.
so mainly i think he just keeps me from
whoring my company. morphing from air
to earth.


collage

the mouse slips off
the chair and into the kitchen.
beady red eye looks balefully
of course, bale full ee
up at the ceiling. the sun
is out and i'm in a dim room
waiting for a poem
so i can go purchase some dining
room chairs at good will.


i've been looking for core
all morning. looked in the appleshed.
not there. in the door without walls.
absent. in a yeti's footprint. void. all
void. let me wisp thru the window
just now so we can meet in south
cafe in a tumble of air and spike.

poem o! poem. where do you sleep
today? a brookish cuve, the veil
of eden? the temple cave of the first
matriarch of hamurabi? spiral phi
and tempest on tornado edge
then over with mr thompson, methmaker
to the stars? o pull your shadows
up by bootilicious petticoats, just
in the next town over. we've come

on this wind, to let you know,
just blow and lift your million
arms into this one uncrunched seed, and be.