after the drunk

and now that there's time young
lover passed out in the next room he's
drunk again. needing that absent
father, that mother's tit. what do i do with this
did i create it? should i have left him made
him ride a greyhound to get to me?

at the therapists buzzwords enabling
losing the relationship. i cannot
keep this thing in my heart. he rips it from me
with each passage out. immaturity. what am i doing
in this? i must give him no other out. if he choses to end it
then that is what he must do. i know sometimes
he prefers to be dead. he thinks it will be a blessing.
he begins to hate the things i stand for.// them, me, us nobody
loves me. i hate myself.// why isn't my love good enough
for him? b/c it's tainted with fear. he said thick
and thin , marriage to me tonite. but not to me. to me
that i could have been the girl he should meet
sometime in his future. i won't tie mine to him so he gets
a death wish? i cannot do this. he only understands
silence. infant terrible. not so not so it was the booze it was
the drinking it was any excuse i can think of and he too
i am the excuser, the forgiver, the eh it's all gooder...