Wednesday, November 09, 2005

after the drunk

and now that there's time young
lover passed out in the next room he's
drunk again. needing that absent
father, that mother's tit. what do i do with this
did i create it? should i have left him made
him ride a greyhound to get to me?

at the therapists buzzwords enabling
losing the relationship. i cannot
keep this thing in my heart. he rips it from me
with each passage out. immaturity. what am i doing
in this? i must give him no other out. if he choses to end it
then that is what he must do. i know sometimes
he prefers to be dead. he thinks it will be a blessing.
he begins to hate the things i stand for.// them, me, us nobody
loves me. i hate myself.// why isn't my love good enough
for him? b/c it's tainted with fear. he said thick
and thin , marriage to me tonite. but not to me. to me
that i could have been the girl he should meet
sometime in his future. i won't tie mine to him so he gets
a death wish? i cannot do this. he only understands
silence. infant terrible. not so not so it was the booze it was
the drinking it was any excuse i can think of and he too
i am the excuser, the forgiver, the eh it's all gooder...