the morning of

well, it's not so special. in fact it's a nothing day
another work day, maybe i should stop and see
the grand daughter but i've been reading too much
just no mil and think maybe t've been overreacting
to the poverty, the neglect, the drunkardness
because like i told her, this one's yours. i don't
want a do over baby. .

but here's the thing , i'm getting old.
i mean can't open a jar old. bowel movement
troubles old. i don't know how over 60
makes it. we should get to retire in our 50s
but they move to the 70s. assholes.
i'll never get to retire. forget the age raise
it's the bills baby. i still got em, will ave em
can't get out for 7 more years. hell, i'll be 
a new person then, with genes going
defective, mutating, apoptosing all over the place,
i'm even typing wronger than usual
and words? i keep forgetting the names of things
or the perfect descriptor i know is somewhere
on tounge tip but not mine. and how do you
spell tongue, yeah that way i mean easy words
even, like recieve i'm spelling with red lines.

i sometimes am even tired of living. not thinking
suicide, except financially, but if i do that i
may as well off myself because who da fuck
gonna pay for me who gonna feed me
when i'm broke. honey just found out
that student loan he let go rouge is back
and it's green and big as hulk an gonna stalk him
for the rest of his life. so that dream of staying
home and taking care of him while he works
is for another woman, another time. in fact
he already did that. got a couple of kids from it.


so it's work time now. i better get going.
just let me finish this joint and visit john
one last time.