h6nesty

that's a typo caused
by a propensity for 18 month olds
to want to play with keys.

three great subjects for poems
baby, cat, sunset.


hahaHAha



but srsly, everytime i begin
to write, i mean even these paltry
smegous journal entries, i get
pulled away. he says go with it
heard enough of my bitchin
today. which is why i like to write
gets all the bitchin out.




like for instance getting five calls
in a day for non serious shit like
should the daughter let the crackhead
come over during dinner and if so
should she feed him the porkchops
i buy or the ray he caught and froze and pushed
into my hands as we unpacked the freezer exactly
where he wasn't needed,inside with me & the daughter
not doing his job leaving
his toddler out in the car
alone
where she almost choked on a pen
she found how she found one is a mystery
to me cuz
when i'm sittin at the pond gettin
stoned at lunch and some great poetic line
flutters by just above the water line
between the reeds and teatree bushes
 all i need is a pen or a pencil or nub
a dried out marker for chrissake there is not
one
single writing instrument to be found-i have to say look
i don't feel good about even using my electricity
to feed your baby daddy could you please
just tell him to come over after we eat
if he can't come over before i don't
want to see his face because mainly
i just want him to do right
before he sits at my table again





















*(





he's twenty years older than she is
but he acts like my x2ybf fifteen years his junior.
he already had 2 kids he didn't take care of what
makes me think he'll do right by hers



not that the x2ybf is that bad. at least he
didn't bring children into the world
yet



nothing
nothing makes me think he'll do right by her.
it seems to be a broken sonnet
 between men and women


so down on the luckness
comes crashing down into this is my life
he wants to hone in on again
and frankly i am tired of babysitting men
who are not my charge. the daughter
is outside sharing a cigarette and this
is what holds her back somehow thinking
he is the only man who will want her
and why does she think that unless it's from
echoes of all the times you said that to me
or all the times he said that to her twenty years her elder
and i think about the x2ybf and how i can get
all egotistic about how i didn't
at the minimum how i did not tell him
no one else would ever be his.