der

The Hermit card affirms that my alter ego today is revealed in the Doubter, whose superpower to reconsider acts as a beacon to a second chance through soul-searching. The truth is out there so leave room for uncertainty. Isolation without aim, or to avoid or linger among past emotional baggage is to navigate by a sign which obscures validation and burdens perspective. It's all catching up, but results to date are not enough. Today I make time to 'go retro' to assess matters or hedge my bet, and let conscience be my guide. It's only by illumination of my failures in this personal quest for truth that I can start to measure success or recognize an opportunity for trusting my heart and stepping back into circulation. Look to past experience for strength or enlightenment, or suffer in silence, or look for trouble, speculating or wandering in the dark until the chance is lost.


so says astrology.com.


i dunno. i just feel lost.
the candle in the lamp
is not enough.



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for suz n nat



what does a chameleon do in a cave?
whose skin does she don, what mask
of reality can she believe in. on the pale
brick wall she feels a statue, she doesnt' know
she's fooling no one until a handswoop informs her.

still, the sun is a jewel.
still the breeze carries her into the next yard
where the green doesn't fit
and the animals there are less cousins
than frustratingly viscious.

she's already gone away from the lizard
because she was too limited. that's a strong
image but it's only interesting until
the escape. you see. i'm not sure bout this
holding on thing anymore. maybe it's preparation
for the big letting go. some things are worth
walking towards, and some things
i frustrate the shit out of myself with.


like age. like living out of the scones of the past.
pale illumination, that. and future? on some valley
i run thru, filled with nasturtiums and beekeeper bonnets
spraying toxides on the yellow masses.

the past and future tho, what else can a writer expect
it's always fantasy or recall when put to the task.
the time of escape is where we dwell.
maybe that's a good place to be in my old age.
dronekrone elastic. the butted out smouldering
ember. how one has to pay for that in some way or other
now that social security is broke and pensions extinct.

we've let our old out in the cold so many generations.
the way the herd thins herself. it's only unfair. it's only
the puritan's work ethic rationale. will we ever evolve
beyond the animal? will we create a machine
to house the soul so eternity is as at last recognised?


i dunno. funny side track/ what if someone wrote a story
about how all thru the eons of the age of the universe
the creator was just trying to find a way to immortality
so eternity could become an experience . you know
how the vedics say we're in kalpas of awakeness and dream?
so this kalpa is a dream trying to wake up in reality
whatever that is. oh man, when the turtles march
they really fracture my head. what does my rationale
or belief matter, really? it's just passage of time thru a node.

so, to the one who could become thru breah , the measuring
of nothings, the somethings exhaled, i welcome you
for as long as the air keeps moving. bring on the wrinkles
and knobby knees, the shopping cart and grand judgement
that is meted by bag ladies everywhere...look, this one
it's a keeper.