calibrating the day

they tell me negative thoughts
will manifest too. i never thought about it
but when i tried to tell Q that it's not always so
using for example my certainty of dying before 40
because my mom did, she said well, isn't that
what happened anyway? she didn't know me then
but she was right. who i am today
was born when i was 40 or 41/i don't remember
the exact year and anyway, it's been more
a metamorphosis than a birth but yeh
i understand that about thoughts. not only understand
but believe it in a half hearted way
sort of like some peeps belief in god just in case.

i need to get to the level where i don't
believe that my magic is subterranean. but pluto
rules so many of my houses how could it not be?
for me, coming into this knowledge was a light switch.
the pluto thing.

now, i was trying to remember what you said
about blame. how it was an epiphany in slow motion
to realize that one who takes blame for everything
is so fucking egotistical they think the world
revolves around them. universe spins
round my little black hole. lol, d/man,
is that how you got out of the blame game
that time. give to other bubbles their own volition
spins and starfeilds? man that's coo. i bet you
didn't even realise it you is/was so zen.
just vibrating thru the sunlight. astrology
is ok yr a cell in a body, you're a module
in a cell even. or maybe yr the module
of that module. all the way in.
and you're trying to zone in your macro mind
by tracing the spin of the atoms two
iterations slower than you.
that's the past. think about it
the star's light generation
is in the past. relatively speaking.
but it's in your now. so.
what you watch when you watch the stars
is your own death approaching.
some of us try to read the signs.

lol. it's an amusing passtime
to hold the thoughts of god here in
my mitochondrial messenger. come ride
the roller coaster of truth on the planes
of antarres. oh that was the star i
learned last week. antares. in the sky near
scorpio. the way the stinger dominates
the southern sky. oh man.
gotta go to work. in the middle of an
epiphany. this is why you're right of course.

my ideal would be to find a man i can love
who loves me, and would want to take care
of me so that i can write. like j did for a while.
i prolly would even market it then. i mean
i get bored writing sometimes. the thoughts
so iterated that the fractal becomes BORing.

so you start another one. it's got surprises
inside of themselves. and no expired daydreams.*
marketing myself might work for me. it's like
commodity is the cult of the e gen. you have to sell out
cuz it's all about buying in. just remember money
is a scorekeeper that can keep you comfortable.
it's not a goal, but a tool. that's all.



((*original thought of justin collin michael bushey))





ok, time to go be a tool for the tool.
i hope i don't have indigestion. i don't want
the universe to die today...