swallowing virus for cocktails

indeed. let me get rid of the sardonic
i called and you were accomadating.
that's all that's required apparently
that things work as i expect them to.
then i feel so much better.

so anyway, spent the day enclosed
shut in from the heat like so many of you
do in the winter where you live.
oppressive. drying. they say it's not the heat
it's the humidity but they're wrong
it's the heat. my backyard neighbors spent
lots of money landscaping their yard
and all the bushes are the color of dun
no real rain all spring, no real water
for months. the zoysia i sodded
is the color of california farmlands in
the valley between two mountain ranges
sere as the sun, a summer yellow
found in deserted suburbs and dresses
of starlets. i called you thinking
i wanted something but you have nothing
to give you are never was. never. was.

she loves like perpindicular lies
crossed in ninety degree angles.
flirtation is for teases. she wants
much more than desire, she wants
fulfillment. lately i've been wanting
a best friend. it's lonely when
your best friend falls in love.
even tho they're still friends
they don't need you like you need them
their love has bonded to better
then one is left
with the bleedover. so as bff
you encourage that cuz isn't that
what you wanted all along, their happiness.
and they want it for you too. bff don't
go away that way. it just morphs
to bfw. whenever. which naturally
is less demanding, that's what the lover's for.
i still maintain lover cn't be bff. you need
to have someone to talk about lover with.
don'tcha? maybe that's just me.

N E ways. i called twice left
a message #2 and you were true to form.
thanks for that. i know i can depend
on you. it makes the universe
seem like it has rules and pattterns
and that's all one really needs
to keep body and soul together. ritual.
bless these cards. they weave
the story for me. that way i don't have to.
i called because i have a dieses
simliar to tourettes
blurt out the stress
in inappropriate leakage from my psyche.
tomorrw teh wave will be different.
it always is.