21 days

they say three weeks
makes or breaks a habit.

i dunno. i tend to cling.
still smoking after all these years.

it's not that i want to reach
back and grab what we never were.

i just feel like i've been mourning
forever. why the fuck?









()()(*









at work i've got the window
moved into a 3 x 5 index card
to be hurriedly hidden if some
one notices i'm not working.

i've got a cold coming on.
pinch in my shoulder. it's tuff
to be positive and it's not about
the economy or the holidays. my job
is still around, and we're not asking
for government bux. bonus this friday
means the remainder of my pay
which the company's kindly kept back
for me to use at this time of year
will be passed out. so it's not financial
in the strictest sense.






no, my angst is tied to one of the big three.

maybe all of them. shouldn't aging
be included in that category or is that
merely a subset of the line 3? i mostly
don't agree with the dominant paradigm
but too chicken to buck it. sigh. bucket.

i'm beginning to see why suicide looks so tempting.

pain is a relative thing. let us wallow.



























*(_()**&&&






i try going on the dating sites.
you tell me i'm sposed to be
in a relationship. i have to ask why,
because none of the ones i've had
ever gave a shit about who i am,
just what can you do for me.






i think that's pretty accurate.

so why go there again. .


ok they've seen me. i think i'll go
take 'lunch' now.

oopsy.