throwing out lifelines

and someone threw back
2 someones today.
how saweet. really
the lava guy is still interested
but i've never dated a hispanic before
and i hear
they're kinda macho. he wants to meet
on friday somewhere. perfect. let's see
if he can hang with the poets.oh and
he's 12 years younger. ahem. but so what.
he said he's been working 12 hour daze.
youth? not hardly.
prolly looking for a mami.
but he called me your hotness so how could i refuse?



earler i wanted you
back. today she tells
me all about how you didn't do this
and didn't do that and i warned her
stop it now or
and she's all like i know i know
but you have bespelled her.
you are such a puppy.


still.

we talk on the phone, pragmatic things
when you can come by for the mail
when will you change your address
you call you babe when you hang up.
just like before.

and still i think of your arms and still
i remember o yes i remember the bed
and the chains you wanted around us
till i gave them. brindle haired you chafe.
how i wanted it to always be true
but knew you'd have to grow, if not up
then inside. smoke in the sky

all day. the evening light is violet
as undereye bruises, the softness
of curtains, a wash of yellow causing pink.
there are fires in this state. discarded
cigarettes and lounge tree lightning.
waterless spring and the air so tight
it explodes behaving as avalanche
rolls into the city , chokes

traffic. how much do we have
to hurt before we know if
but i already know if
and to hold on to you is pointless
but why did you stay in town? hoping
from some acceptance from me of what you must change?
find your voice. stop wasting your youth.
if you love something let it go.
the truest words i know.

















*



stilll












*













so that's saturday and friday nite.
just what i'd been missing. how about that?
















&

she says look you remember
you didn't want anyone else before
and it was just like this and you know
it'll come.and i think yeah
i know. just like this time. finally wanted
but i waited too long. believed you meant it as you
were walking out the goddman door.
just like before. sigh. it was my fault
i made you love me, then you made me love you.
what did you know? you have a life to live.
i have to let go